


Lying Still

by willowhisperer



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good siblings, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Post-Season/Series 02, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Sparrow Academy is talked about, but in a vague way so the fic isn't completely irrelevant once s3 comes out ghgJFGHGH, he is just very stressed out in general tbh, healing via giving a puppy a bath, we love to see it !
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25916368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowhisperer/pseuds/willowhisperer
Summary: In which Five Hargreeves gets a puppy, a hug, and the emotionally cathartic breakdown he deserves.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Mr. Pennycrumb, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 140
Kudos: 502





	1. 6 dumbasses loose in a mall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This fic is going to get quite heavy so please be aware and stay safe! I will update the tags as I go along, as well as put content warnings in the notes. Will probably be ooc and self-indulgent at points bc i just want these bastards to Talk about their feelings
> 
> basically I binged s2 of tua 3 days ago and couldn't stop writing essays about five so i figure if i pour all my feelings about him into this i can finally rest. i cannot BELIEVE he didn't get a SINGLE interaction with a dog throughout the entire season!! an absolute travesty 
> 
> the first chapter includes: canon-typical body dysphoria for five, as well as imagining violent scenarios. but it's mostly goofy fun!

So.

2019, version 3.0 had come with… a bit of an adjustment period, for everyone involved. Sure, the Hargreeves siblings had been replaced with six strangers (one of which appeared to be a literal floating box, don't ask), as well as an upsettingly colder and startlingly _alive_ Ben. And yes, they were no longer welcome in their own house, and no one in the city appeared to recognize them.

But aside from that, the state of the world seemed… 

eerily fine. 

Dad hadn’t even let them stay the night, that first day. But it was no trouble at all for the old siblings to ‘rent’ out an entire apartment building downtown, with a little reluctant help from Allison’s Rumors. There were eight apartments, one for each of the siblings and two left empty. Five took a room on the second floor, Diego stayed across the hall, and the other four siblings took the ones downstairs. Five might have suggested they hide out somewhere more low-profile, if he had been in the right mind to argue at the time.

But as it stood, the first night they got back, Five had been… a little distracted at the prospect of, oh… I don’t know… finally, _finally_ managing to save the _entire_ world.

Before his father had demanded the new Ben escort them off the premises, Five had snatched the day’s newspaper from the foyer table as well as the briefcase he had gone through hell for, clutching them in a death grip and glaring daggers at anyone who’s hand hovered too close. As their ragged group of timeline-defying weirdos hobbled down the street, drawing odd looks from clueless civilians, Five had unrolled the paper and stared fiercely at the date. April 2nd, 2019. His sibling’s loud, confused voices had echoed throughout the city block, probably arguing about how much everything had changed. But it was all white noise to Five as he continued to stare at the date printed plainly at the top of the newspaper. April 2nd, 2019.

April 2nd, 2019.

April 2nd, 2019.

So really, it was perfectly reasonable that Five opted to play along with his siblings for a few hours, especially when Vanya suggested they find a way to live close to each other for the time being. Anything that made rounding up his stubborn siblings less of a taxing _ordeal_ was a welcome change in his book. Those morons were worse than cats most of the time, or Commission office workers when asked to use any sort of critical thinking skills.

While the rest of his siblings had passed out the moment they settled into their rooms, exhausted from the whirlwind of changes the last 24 hours had wrought upon their lives, Five stayed up most of the night. After he tore open the floorboards in the closet and cobbled together a makeshift trapdoor to hide their briefcase, he slumped in a chair that had been left by the apartment’s previous owner and read the date on the cover of the newspaper again and again and again. His hands had been awfully shaky then, even though he only made two cups of coffee from the pot he stole from Luther’s new kitchen. His heart pounded with euphoric energy, and his lips couldn’t help but curl up into a manic sort of smile. 

This blissful sense of accomplishment only lasted until morning.

Because really, things _weren’t_ alright. It was laughably easy to tell that his siblings were still grieving over the lives they lost in Dallas, or the people they lost in this new timeline. For one thing… Ben. Klaus had been taking it harder than the rest, though every one of them was shaken to see him alive, in one piece, but… not himself. There wasn’t a hint of the shy, dorky kid from Five’s childhood in this new Ben, and that brought with it a certain feeling of dread. 

Pogo was nowhere to be seen, and neither was their mother. Apparently Grace had never been made in this timeline, as Vanya hadn’t been around to need an indestructible robot for a mother. This had hurt Diego the most, though everyone felt at least a tinge of sadness for the loss of their maternal figure. Fortunately, Diego’s mood had brightened a bit when he dug around in the phonebook and found out detective Patch was still alive.

And Claire…

Well. Claire didn’t exist either. 

Five’s stomach had twisted painfully with guilt as he watched Allison’s face fall and her eyes close off at this revelation. There was something resolute deep within them, though, like she might have expected this was a possibility. She kept up a strained smile around them, though her voice was far too monotone, and he was certain she had snuck away to her room to cry a few times.

Aside from all that, there was also the issue of… the apocalypse. Or rather, the lack thereof one. 

The more Five sat, and thought, and lingered on their new situation, the more it seemed… too simple. 

Would the Commission really just... let the apocalypse slide? Herb seemed like a nice guy, sure, but they had to still have _some_ kind of agenda. There was no way the death of a bunch of power-hungry men and women would suddenly save the world.

Would it?

There was no way _her_ knowledge had been the key to stopping the apocalypse, right?

Safe to say, when they all crammed into Luther’s small apartment to sit around and have breakfast the next day, the atmosphere was… a bit tense. Gloomy even. To the others, this timeline didn’t seem like all it was cracked up to be. And to Five, it seemed too good to be true.

Which is what brought him _here_. Standing, in the middle of a bustling and crowded mall, in a group huddle with the rest of his siblings. Klaus had suggested taking the day off under the flimsy guise of “getting new duds”, though it was painfully obvious they needed a chance to relax after everything that happened in 1963. Five thought this was a tremendous waste of time, but he kept his mouth firmly clamped shut when he saw the small, genuine smiles that crossed both Allison and Vanya’s faces. 

Besides, at least they’d all be in the same building. Easier to keep an eye on everyone that way.

Five had agreed to come with them on one small condition. They made a pit stop at the police station along the way, where he and Diego had snuck in and snatched six portable two-way radios (well, ‘he and Diego’ was more a formality. Five just warped in and Diego busted the window lock after him). Five was a bit sick and tired of having to scramble to find his siblings, and this seemed like the easiest solution. Their reactions ranged from enthusiastic (Luther) to apprehensive (Diego), but after a long argument and some pointed glares, they all eventually gave in and clipped the devices to their belts and pants.

-April 3rd, 2019 (v3), 11:03 AM-

“So, who’s in group shopping? Raise your hands.” Allison spoke loud and clear, in an odd mixture of firm parent and public speaker. 

Five looked around at the rest of his siblings. They were all huddled in the circle, shamelessly obstructing traffic in the busy mall. Allison raised her hand immediately, and Klaus’ hand shot up dramatically afterwards. After a few seconds, Vanya meekly raised hers, glancing over to Luther and Diego. Those two kept their hands firmly by their sides, and so did Five. His undershirt had gotten a little bloody when he pulled a few stitches at the barn, but other than that, his uniform was fine.

“Oookay, then where are _you_ guys going?” Allison raised an eyebrow at Luther.

“I... was actually thinking of seeing a movie. I think the next one starts in fifteen minutes.” Luther glanced warily at Diego, who shrugged and twirled a knife in his hand.

“Why not? I got nothin’ better to do.” He tilted his head. “But if it’s shit I’m blaming you.” 

Luther scoffed. “That doesn’t even-”

“Great!” Allison interrupted loudly, turning to face her oldest-youngest sibling. “Five?”

Said sibling was busy staring down a middle-aged man sitting on a bench a couple dozen yards away, calculating the probability of him being a Commission agent in disguise. The sound of Five’s name snapped him to attention. He crossed his arms and shot her an unamused stare. “Look, I’m just here to babysit.”

“Well then, dearest brother o’ mine, which ragtag team will you be joining today?” Klaus lazily draped his arms across Allison and Vanya’s shoulders.

Five clicked his tongue, considering both options. Vanya and Allison were probably the most sensible of the bunch, but the idea of having to rein Klaus in on a shopping spree was _not_ appealing. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to sit still in a dark room for two hours, wasting time with Luther and Diego of all people. For all he knew, they’d get into a heated argument over the damn cinematography.

He exhaled a sharp breath through his nose, and sidestepped towards Team Shopping, his choice made clear. “Awww, Five loves us the most~” Klaus teased in that annoyingly exaggerated voice.

“Another word and I’ll jump to the bar two blocks down.”

Klaus put a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Doubt it’d be open this early, but you do you, big bro.”

“Who said it had to be open?” Five snarled. But his hostility bled away just a little bit when he saw Vanya bring a hand to her mouth to cover a small laugh. “I think it’ll be harder to keep us in line than you expect.” She murmured, quiet but fond.

“Oh trust me, I don’t have the luxury of underestimating _any_ of you assholes’ penchant for mayhem.” As the biting remarks left his lips, Five felt the tightness constricting his chest loosen, and his tense shoulders relaxed just the tiniest bit. He stole a quick glance back to the bench, and the middle aged man was still there, now joined by a woman and child, laughing. 

“So, we meet back here in three hours?” Allison suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Luther replied.

“Hell yeah.” Diego abruptly held one of his hands out to the middle of the circle, and everyone turned to look at him, confused. A few long, awkward seconds ticked by. “Just put your damn hands in the middle.” He sighed.

Awkwardly, hesitantly, the rest of Five’s siblings started layering their hands over Diego’s. After a pointed look from Vanya, Five rolled his eyes and put a hand in as well. 

“One... two... three…” Diego bounced their mass of hands up and down as he counted. “Team Zero!” He shouted, flinging his hand up into the air, dragging the rest of his siblings along with it.

“Team Zero!” Klaus cheered, just a few moments too late. The other awkward murmurs of ‘Team.. Zero…’ toppled from his siblings’ mouths like a horrible round performed by 2nd graders. Five did not participate, of course, because he wasn’t a _child._

“Okay, let’s _never_ do that again.” Allison laughed.

Luther’s eyes crinkled up at the sound of Allison’s laughter, and a relieved smile crossed his face. “Agreed.” 

“Oh c’mon, when did you guys become such buzzkills?” Klaus whined.

Diego gestured towards Klaus disbelievingly. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but he’s right!”

Vanya just chuckled. Before long, Luther turned to Diego with an expression far too serious for the situation. “Alright, we better get going if we want to make it in time. The theatre is all the way on the right side of the mall.” 

Diego smiled up at his brother with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Race ya there?”

“You’re on.” The two jumped into action almost immediately, lowering their stances and getting ready to bolt.

“Wait,” Five called to his brothers, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Still have your radios?” 

Luther took his radio off his belt and held it up to his lips. He clicked a button on the side and spoke. “Affirmative. Over.” The voice echoed through the devices at each of their hips.

Five smiled in return. “Good. Try not to break the theatre seats.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Luther huffed. 

Diego bounced in place with a smirk, barely containing his excited energy. “Ok, GO!” He shouted, taking off as fast as lightning.

“Woah, _not_ fair!” Luther cried out in alarm as he ran after his brother. Five turned back to Allison and company as Luther vanished into the crowd.

“Alright!” Allison turned to the rest of her siblings with a gleam in her eye. “No time like the present.” She took one of each of Vanya and Klaus’ hands in her own and headed off, dragging her brother and sister behind her. Five followed smoothly in pursuit, but he couldn’t help the small smile that crept across his face as he noticed a bit more life coming back to Allison.

When they finally found their way to a big clothing store, their first stop was the women’s section, obviously. Five lurked around the perimeter as his siblings pranced about. He tried very hard to avoid looking at any of the mannequins. If he thought about them for too long he knew he’d start thinking about Delores. Then he’d think about whether or not she was doing well in this timeline, about whether or not she was making new friends-

“See anything you like?” Five startled at the sound of Klaus’ voice as his sibling peeked out from behind a clothing rack. Five’s eyes instinctively drifted to a pleated white skirt that was lined with sequins.

“Oh, no, I don’t-” Five started, but Klaus slid right up to his side with far more grace than the universe should have allowed.

“Ah-ha, you have a good eye, my friend!” Klaus sauntered over and swiped the skirt into his basket in one quick motion. 

Five scoffed and shoved his hands into his pockets, affronted. “I don’t _want_ it. What, I’m not allowed to just look?”

Klaus shot him a shit-eating grin. “You misunder _stand,_ my man. This skirt is for _me_. Finders keepers, losers weepers.” He slapped the side of his basket that was already overflowing with clothes. “Better luck next time, compadre.” 

Five blinked for a few seconds, dumbfounded, before crossing his arms and turning away in frustration. Good lord. He was _really_ out of his element here. He decided to eye all the passersby instead, watching diligently for any signs of hidden guns or bulky briefcases. 

It took his siblings far too long to find what they were looking for. Five’s foot had started tapping compulsively, and he kept looking down at his watch. 

It didn’t help that Klaus _insisted_ on using his radio every few minutes to relay such important information as- 

‘I found a pretty scarf!’ or

‘I found a prettier scarf!’ 

despite Five stressing over and _over_ again that the radios were to be used for emergencies only.

By the time they all gathered around, Five was at his wit’s end. Vanya’s basket seemed to be filled with sweatpants and sweaters, while Allison picked a wider, tasteful variety. Klaus, of course, was Klaus, and had his basket overflowing with tacky, mismatched articles of clothing that would take a miracle to create any cohesive outfit.

Allison looked Five up and down once, bringing a hand to her chin in thought. “Now that we’re done, we need to get you some clothes too.”

Five’s stomach twisted up at that, and he barely stopped himself from recoiling in disgust. His lips curled into a forced smile, and he tilted his head up as he spoke. “I’m fine with what I have, thanks.”

“What?” Klaus threw his hands up into the air, exasperated. “Are you _seriously_ gonna wear that dusty old uniform for the rest of your life?”

Five bristled at this, already spiteful. “And what if I did?”

Klaus blinked, and started running his hand along the rack of clothes haphazardly. “Well, what about laundry day? You just gonna walk around with your dick hangin’ out?”

“Klaus!” Allison scolded.

“He has a point.” Vanya chimed.

“Bet you can do sooo much important ~timeline maintaining business~ like that.” Klaus shot his now-flustered brother a self-assured grin. 

Five’s face was tinted red as he grit his teeth, furious. “My wardrobe is none of _your_ business, how about that?”

Allison tilted her head and looked at Five like a doting mother. It made him feel sick. “You _should_ at least get one other outfit, Five. What if you rip this one?” Five desperately glanced to Vanya for backup, but she just shrugged apologetically.

Klaus swayed in place impatiently. “C’moooooon Five, just one more ~ensemble~.”

“You.. might find something you really like.” Vanya suggested.

Allison shifted a hand to her hip. “And it’s always better to leave prepared.” 

_Damn them_ for making sense.

“Gah, fine!” He snapped loudly. A random lady searching through the racks glanced over at the outburst, and Five lowered his voice before continuing.

“But _I’m_ picking my own clothes.” He snarled.

Allison’s eyes brightened for some reason he couldn’t understand. “Of course.”

Grumbling the entire time, Five let himself be led to the boy’s section, glaring daggers at any snot-nosed, bratty kid he passed while he was there. He combed through the racks as quickly as physically possible without warping, as his siblings went to the changing rooms to try on their outfits. He assembled a grand total of two different outfits, and that was where he drew the line. That was _plenty_.

Five marched over to the changing rooms with clothes draped over his arm. Klaus had just come out and was twirling around in one of his new skirts when he spotted Five approaching. As soon as Klaus saw his brother, he clapped his hands in delight. “Found something you like-?”

“Shut up.”

Klaus put his hands up in surrender and stepped back to give Five a wide berth as he stalked past. Five swung open a loose stall door and stepped inside. He definitely did _not_ slam the door behind him, because he was a grown ass man. He just… applied an appropriate amount of force that didn’t quite match up with his current form.

Five stopped and took a deep breath as he stared at his teenage body in the mirror. He hated looking at it. So _weak_ , and gangly. He turned away as he undressed, trying to get this over with, the sooner the better. He took a moment to check the bandages of the shrapnel wound on his abdomen. Maybe then he could pretend there was an actual _purpose_ to this. There were only a few, tiny drops of blood seeping through the fabric. Good. He really needed to stop moving around so much if he didn’t want to keep re-opening it. 

_Click, click, click._

Five jolted as he heard the telltale tap of _heels_ on tile, and saw the shadow of feet passing by his stall. 

His entire body tensed up in an instant.

Five jerked back and held his breath, completely frozen. The sound of blood _rushed_ to his ears as the shoes continued past, not paying him any mind. A lady’s muffled voice cut through the sound of his pounding heart.

“I’m sorry sir, we only allow ten items in the changing room at a time, especially on busy days like this.”

“Awwww, sure you can’t make an exception for a poor, troubled soul?” That was Klaus.

An employee. Right. Five breathed out through his nose, slowly, willing the tension to drain from his body. His pulse didn’t seem to want to slow while he was half-undressed, so he opted to change as quickly as possible. 

He opened the door as soon as he swapped into his first outfit, which took a lot longer than he would have liked. To his surprise, all three siblings were waiting when he stepped out. They were staring, intense, with a vibrant kind of sparkle in their eyes. It would have been creepy if it wasn’t endearing. 

Still, Five reveled in the way their excited smiles slowly dropped, and the way their bright eyes assuredly dulled as they truly took in the outfit he chose.

“Uh… Five?” Allison started, almost sounding disappointed.

“That looks… literally _exactly_ the same as the uniform!” Klaus cried in agony. It was true. He had picked out a completely different, but entirely similar pair of shorts, socks, suit jacket, vest, _and_ tie. Only the colors were a little bit off.

Vanya tried hard to hide her disappointment, noticing Five’s sourer-than-normal mood. “I mean, it’s still clothes, guys…”

“Precisely,” Five spat, grinning. “And my second outfit is more of the same, so I’d say I’m _done_ with your little fashion show.”

Klaus’ eyebrow raised at this, and he tilted his head in an exaggerated manner. “Uhhh…”

“We… never said you had to try them on, Five.” Vanya offered softly.

Five blinked. Then he blinked again. He opened his mouth to say something clever, but nothing came out. The rest of his siblings could have sworn his ears started turning pink. But with a quick shake of the head, he abruptly marched back into the changing room and slammed the door. Five decided he hated the mall. 

The employee out front shot Allison a warning glance, and she gave her an apologetic look in return. 

Five burst out of the changing room a short few minutes later, back in his old uniform. 

“Are we done here?” He grumbled anxiously.

Klaus rubbed his beard, feigning deep thought. “Wellllllll, I do have about twenty more scarves I could try on-”

“NO.” All three siblings clamored in unison.

“ _Fine_ , fine!” Klaus leaned back with his hands up, no real bite in his tone.

As the four stood waiting not-so-patiently in the checkout line, Five couldn’t help but shift back and forth on the balls of his feet. A tiny, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach had been growing all morning, and the fact that he couldn’t figure out what was causing it annoyed him.

Something wasn’t right. Everything was just, so… peaceful. Too peaceful. He scanned the vicinity with narrowed eyes, on the lookout for any suspicious individuals. Allison and Klaus were talking about something, probably Klaus’ awful fashion choices, but Five tuned them out to focus on his surroundings. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end, and he felt goosebumps running up and down his arms.

“Hey, Five. You okay?”

His face snapped to Vanya, who looked at him with worried, caring eyes.

He blinked, expression carefully neutral. A bead of sweat dripped down his temple.

“...I’m going to check on Luther and Diego.” He stated evenly. 

Five snatched the radio on his hip and brought it to his mouth, acting casual. He clicked the ‘talk’ button and spoke with a level of calm that betrayed his racing heart. “Luther, Diego, you there? Over.” Five’s message echoed through his siblings’ radios, drawing weird looks from the other customers in line. He lifted his finger off the button and waited a few seconds for their response. 

And a few more seconds.

And a few more seconds.

And Five’s blood ran cold.

He held the button again. “Luther and Diego, check in. Over.” 

The seconds ticked on, and Five’s mind started to race with hundreds of probabilities, calculations, scenarios.

He stole a glance at Vanya. Her mouth was dropped in a tiny little ‘o’, and her eyebrows were scrunched up in concern. Five waited one, two, three seconds-

Allison seemed to notice his distress and put one hand up in a placating gesture.

“Five-”

He was gone in a flash before she could finish.

Familiar adrenaline _coursed_ through Five’s veins as his shoe hit the tiled floor of the mall’s main hall. Civilians gasped and jerked back in shock as the boy appeared in a swath of blue energy, but Five didn’t pay them any mind as he took off running. Right. To the right of the mall. Five couldn’t believe he had been so _stupid_. His clenched fists crackled with radiating light, and with another _push_ through the fabric of space he jumped again, closer. 

This time, he knocked a woman to the ground, but the theatre was in his sight. He dashed past the booth onto the carpeted floor. Why the hell would he let those two go _alone_ , sitting in a dark room for hours that was literally _designed_ to distract people? It was the perfect place for an ambush.

Five ran past the ticketmaster, who looked about as enthusiastic as you’d expect. “Uhh kid, you need a ticke-”

“ _Impale_ _yourself on a chainsaw._ ” Five growled out, above the pounding of his heart in his ears.

In no time at all, he _slammed_ open the door to the theatre. An old lady who had been walking down the hall towards the exit cried out in alarm as he barreled past her. He sprinted down the hall, bracing himself for the sight of blood, and bodies, and someone looking for a fight.

He rounded the corner, eyes wide-

Only to hear the familiar, yet foreign sound of Luther’s laughter.

Five skidded to a halt, blinking once, twice.

“No, no, listen!” Luther and Diego were the only two left in the theatre, seated smack dab in the middle. “I’m telling you, Allison was the only. good. _thing_. about that movie! This timeline’s actor didn’t even get the wedding scene right!” Luther’s voice devolved into laughter at the end of his passionate rant.

Five blinked, and glanced towards the screen. The credits were playing.

“Bitch, no.” Diego retorted, arms gesturing wildly as he explained. “It’s supposed to be a _parody_ , dumbass. This girl didn’t take herself so seriously.”

“And that’s exactly the problem!” Luther’s voice squeaked about an octave higher than usual.

Five took a deep, shuddering breath, scanning the perimeter one last time for danger.

“Uhhh _no_ , that’s a good thing!” Diego scoffed, looking completely affronted, though a tinge of amusement colored his words. 

Luther rolled his eyes, though he couldn’t quite keep a smile off his face. “In _this_ timeline, maybe.”

Diego raised an eyebrow. “What does that even mean??”

The nervous energy thrumming through Five’s veins redirected itself into a hot, spiteful rage. He grit his teeth and balled his slightly shaking fists. With a strong, quick step, the space around Five warped with blue light as he jumped _right_ into their aisle, directly in front of his brothers.

 _“JEE-zus!”_ Diego yelped. They both flinched back, and Luther sent what little popcorn he had left flying. “Hey-” Luther cried, mourning his lost snack.

“Hello, Dumb and Dumber.” Five spat with a cold, sharp, vicious smile. The light from the rolling credits silhouetted his form, casting Five’s face in haunting shadows. “Would either of you _imbeciles_ like to explain,” He twisted his head to stare at each brother individually, “why I was unable to get in contact with you?” The slight uptilt to his voice at the end of his sentence mocked the very concept of innocence. His voice was all honey, and all daggers. 

His brothers were momentarily shocked into silence, and once a few seconds ticked by with no response, Five spoke again. “Honestly, I expected this kinda shit from Diego, but Luther? _Really?_ ” His faux calm quickly deteriorated, and his giant of a brother looked more like a puppy when Five towered over him. “Did your time in Fight Club scramble your puny brain!?” 

“Hey, lay off, man.” Diego finally cut in.

Luther, on the other hand, looked genuinely guilty and alarmed. “It was Klaus... He kept interrupting the movie. And it was making everyone mad. So... we turned off the radios.”

Five blinked rapidly, eyes wide. He huffed out a quick, disbelieving laugh. “You know, I think maintaining a direct line of contact with your timeline-breaking siblings _might_ be a _little_ more important than _public manners_ , huh, Luther?”

Suddenly, the radio at Five’s hip clicked on, and Allison’s distorted voice rang through. _“Five? Are you at the theatre?”_ Without a second thought, he reached down and twisted the knob to change the channel, still fuming. 

Diego crossed his arms, attempting to appear nonchalant. “Honestly, I just wanted an hour of silence without one of yall breathing down my neck.” 

Luther gaped at that, turning to face his vigilante brother with a dumbfounded expression. “God, no wonder you got kicked out of the police academy. It hasn’t even been a day.” 

“Stow it, monkey brains. You turned yours off too.”

“At least I had good intentions!”

“Oh, and we’re all _so_ proud. Want a sticker?”

“Says the guy who literally fought me over the toy ring at the bottom of the cereal box this morning”

“Always gotta have the last word, huh?”

Five ran a hand through his hair, teeth gritted in a ferocious smile that looked more like a snarl. “I seriously can’t even _comprehend_ -” Five would have been lying if he said he didn’t feel the urge to deck his halfwit siblings right in the face sometimes. Instead, he inhaled sharply through his nose, and yanked his radio up to his lips, twisting the knob to sync with the right channel. He pressed down on the talk button, hard. 

_"I'm going for a walk._ ” 

And with that, he vanished in a thrum of blue energy. 

The final credits rolled in front of Luther and Diego, and the two brothers slowly turned to look at each other with raised, slightly guilty eyebrows.

Diego let out a quick, nervous laugh. “Well that was... something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahh five's having a rough time. i'd say he's due for a bit of hypervigilance after all the shit that's happened in the last two weeks, especially whenever things seemed to be looking up. plus he's gotta grapple with the whole not-having-a-time-limit-anymore situation
> 
> also i love the thought that everything five says delores likes is also what he secretly likes but doesn't want to admit. hence, sequins. 
> 
> next chap: we meet someone very special 👀


	2. an aimless walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went back and fixed a few details ab last chapter, bc i realized pogo wouldn't have gotten the healing serum since grace and reggie split, whoopsies. ALSO apparently that floating box is a member of the sparrow academy?? im ghgJFDHGjhjg. 
> 
> no content warnings for this chapter i think! there's a mild description of blood and five stubs his toe pretty bad, but that's about it. its mostly very wholesome. not to worry, the angst will come eventually
> 
> PS: do not even get me started on tua's time travel stuff bc it literally makes no sense ghGHJKGHjk. we stan

In a vibrant flash of blue light, Five appeared spontaneously in the alley outside the mall. He clutched his radio in a death grip, fists shaking with rage. And yes, it was _only_ with rage, thank you very much. His face was twisted in a vicious scowl, and the hot, fiery fury burning in his chest forced his limbs to move. He took seven fierce steps forward, then spun on his heel and marched in the opposite direction, rinse and repeat. So many thoughts boiled around in his head, to the point where they all bled together into a static, white noise. Right now, all he could think to _do_ was pace. 

It took a moment too long for Five to register what was happening as he heard Luther’s distorted voice echoing through the radio currently being crushed in his right hand.

 _“Five, look, we’re-”_ Just hearing that stupid, apologetic waver in his sibling’s voice made the familiar, biting feeling of indignation flare up. He changed the channel without hesitation.

_‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’_

_‘You're not on your own anymore.’_

_‘I don’t give a shit.’_

Fickle bastard. Five wanted to tear his hair out in chunks. Either that or chuck the damn radio at the wall and shatter it into a million pieces. He decided to clip the device to his pants before he could do something he would regret. 

Honestly? Five _wished_ Luther was an asshole every day of the week. At least then his behavior would be _reliable_. As it stood, his giant ape of a brother was either the rock that held his plans together when everything was going south, or a dumb, emotional bag of bricks that couldn’t follow simple directions. Five didn’t even have the luxury of hating him. There was truly no winning.

Instead of foolishly breaking things like a _child_ in the midst of a tantrum, Five opted for a much more sophisticated approach. That being, spinning directly on his heel and _slamming_ his foot against the brick wall in front of him with all the force he could muster.

Two numb, blissful seconds passed as his body was shocked into stillness.

Then, like clockwork, a stabbing, _excruciating_ pain blossomed from the base of his toenails and radiated throughout his foot. 

_“Jesus!_ Goddamn, son of a _bitch_!” He shrieked, hopping in circles and flailing his arms wildly in a pathetic attempt to ride out the pain. _Christ_ , that shit was nearly as bad as getting _shot_. Ok, maybe an exaggeration, but holy hell in a handbasket. 

As Five continued to shout expletives, an old lady with an absurdly fancy hat noticed the commotion and peeked around the corner with a concerned expression. A well placed middle finger and some choice words from Five sent her sulking off, after she gasped and held an offended hand to her chest. Why did people never know when to fuck _off_? He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and leaned his forehead against the wall, focusing on breathing and counting down the seconds as they ticked by. Slowly, the pain started to fade, and with it, that blinding anger he’d come to know so well over the past two weeks. 

Five sighed through his nose, and waited for the _thump-thump_ of his pounding heart to finally slow. That had hurt like hell, but at least his thoughts seemed to be in order again. He forced his tired eyes open and slowly turned around, blinking against the bright sunny day. He leaned his back against the wall and grit his teeth. Now that he was more... cognizant, he couldn’t help but notice a low, throbbing pain flare up to the right of his abdomen. Shit.

He glanced around to make sure he was alone, then hesitantly lifted his shirt. A fairly large splotch of blood was seeping through the bandages at his side, but it was nothing too concerning. He’d probably have to re-do the damn stitches though. Wasn’t that just _great_.

Five checked his watch. It was one in the afternoon. His siblings were probably about to suggest stopping somewhere for lunch after they finished ringing up their clothes. That was, before he stormed off. 

It wasn’t _his_ fault his family was so careless.

Five pushed off the wall and continued trudging down the alley, away from the parking lot so he could avoid random people giving him weird looks. Or God forbid, some clueless, idiot civilian asking him why he wasn’t in school right now. 

He wasn’t being unreasonable, everyone else was just being an imbecile.

As he marched along and the minutes passed, Five couldn’t help but tune in to the distant sounds of traffic, as well as the occasional chirping of nearby birds. His shoes steadily tapped against the concrete below, and it was frustratingly calming as he ran his eyes across the different architecture of the city, the differing flower boxes and vining plants...

There it was again. That… sinister sense of peace. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping- everything seemed just _fine_ and dandy. 

But how long did they expect it to last? Five’s racing thoughts started to sort themselves into neat, compartmentalized boxes as he turned the corner onto a busy street, shoving his hands in his pockets. Was it possible that he and his siblings could have brought the apocalypse with them again? Would Vanya’s powers spiral out of control? 

As Five paced along the bustling sidewalk, he glanced through clear glass windows of a bakery that was entirely unfamiliar to him. He didn’t know if this was a result of some butterfly effect in the new timeline, or if it was a place of business that had popped up in the seventeen years he’d been gone. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. He kept his head down and passed quickly.

Would the Commission really throw in the towel, letting them all live in some backwater timeline where his siblings had to build up new lives from scratch again?

The moment Five saw the opportunity to turn into another alleyway, he took it. A small cloud overhead drifted with the wind, moving to block out the sun. It coated everything in a dark, comfortable blanket.

And if the Commission truly had different priorities with Herb in charge… the question was, _why?_

For the past weeks, months, years, _decades_ … Five had been solely focused on the ‘how’ of it all. How did the apocalypse happen? How would he get back home? How could he save his family? That had been his top priority. That would always _be_ his top priority.

The countless ‘why’s played in his head on repeat anyways.

 _Why_ had the Commission been trying so hard to cause the apocalypse in the first place? Why would they stop now? Why did their father know about it in theory, but not know enough to understand what causes it? Why would he adopt six completely different children after he met the Umbrella Academy in person? Well, alright, that one was self explanatory… But why did he originally think raising seven emotionally stunted assholes with superpowers would stop it? Why was he right?

What was the damn _point_ of it all?

The apocalypse was no more, his family was alive. He should be grateful just for that- but nothing felt _good_ about it. There were too many unanswered questions, too many blank variables, too many lives lost. But this time, there was nothing to point him in a direction. No ridiculous glass eye to send him scrambling on a pointless goose chase. No spontaneous tapes from Hazel to send him reeling into action. Of course, there were no premonitions about the gruesome fate of his siblings either, but Five wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that yet.

If he wanted answers… well. The one person who might have them lived only a few miles away, in the flesh, alive and well. Their father, and his new children… the Sparrow Academy. Deep down, Five’s weary mind yearned for any kind of closure.

But it was too risky.

They had already tampered with the timeline far too much. Which was mostly his fault for getting his family stuck in 1963 in the first place, but, regardless.

The entire reason he was here was to keep his siblings alive. To make sure nothing bad happened to them. To make sure they didn’t _cause_ anything bad to happen. That would always be his goal. Was getting answers really worth risking that?

Five’s face twisted into a scowl as he thought back to his family. He could never understand how they were all content to be so oblivious. He felt as if everyone was just shuffling around, _waiting_ for the next tragedy to hit. He wanted to be prepared. He wanted to know what was coming. But he hadn't the slightest hint of what the future had in store. He didn’t know his time limit. He didn’t know if confronting Reginald would save them or doom them. _Anything_ could happen at _any time_ , and the thought made his stomach twist into tiny little knots. It was all so…

Five stopped in his tracks, loosely kicking a piece of broken concrete.

Aimless.

Just like this idiotic walk. He didn’t even have a destination in mind, for the first time in… 

Five took a shuddering, shallow breath. He had just picked a direction and trudged forward. There was no reason for it. It was purposeless. Useless. 

Before he knew it, the familiar and annoying feeling of light-headedness had settled over him, and Five patted himself down in alarm before realizing that his heart had simply started racing again in the past several minutes. Just wonderful. One of these days his body was going to collapse in on itself. He would feel a lot better about that if said body reflected his actual age.

Suddenly, the most curious sound caught Five’s attention, snapping him out of his own thoughts.

There was a high pitched whine, followed by a sharp _yap_ coming from around the corner. Then, the grating sound of quick, unending scratches on plastic. 

Curiosity got the better of him, and when Five approached the corner leading into another alleyway, he quietly peeked around, keeping one hand on the wall of the building.

It took him a second too long to register what he was seeing, but in retrospect he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

What he saw was a dog.

Perhaps a pup, even. It couldn’t have been more than a foot tall, and its caramel brown fur was short and dirtied, especially around the feet. It had a short, rat-like tail, and its ears were big and floppy. Five couldn’t get a good look at its snout, because the animal was currently standing on its hind legs, leaning against and scratching at a green trash bin that was at least ten times its size.

As Five stood there dumbly, it whined once again, temporarily pausing its onslaught to stretch its neck up as far as possible and sniff the side of the bin. It quickly lost patience, and in one sudden motion, _jumped_ up as far as its little legs could carry it. It only got about half way up the garbage bin before falling back to the ground. It didn’t give up though, and resumed scratching the green plastic as if it could even make a dent. Five couldn’t help but admire the sheer stubbornness of the tiny creature. Maybe he should help it out.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and sauntered closer, keeping a few feet of distance from the dog. “Tenacious little fella, huh?” At the sound of Five’s voice, the pup jerked back with a yelp and twisted around to face him, lowering its stance. It’s tiny tail stuck straight out behind it. It eyed him intensely, and when Five took a step forward, it growled defensively.

“Yeah, yeah.” He really didn’t have time to deal with this. Five glanced around the perimeter to make sure they were alone. Then in one quick motion, he blinked to the other side of the trash can, accompanied by a flash of blue light. He gripped two corners of the bin and tugged sideways, letting gravity take over the rest. Both Five and the puppy stepped back as it tipped over, clattering to the ground with a thud. White paper bags, burnt bread, and half eaten bagels tumbled out like an avalanche. Right, this must have been the back entrance to the bakery.

The wary puppy let out a few alarmed yaps at the loud noise, and it had jumped back a good five feet in an attempt to avoid getting crushed. But as soon as it smelled the delicious baked goods it forgot all about the human hovering nearby and ran over to the toppled bin, sifting through paper and plastic with its nose. The image of Klaus rummaging through trash flitted through Five’s mind unwittingly. The pup’s little tail started waving around wildly, unable to hold back its joy at finally securing a meal. 

Five clicked his tongue and shook his head flippantly. “Not even a ‘thank you’?” He joked, squatting down next to the distracted animal. 

Now that he had a closer vantage point, Five could see that the dog had no collar or means of identification. It was also startlingly skinny- he could easily see its ribs jutting out. There were no cuts or visible wounds, however. He wasn’t enough of an idiot to bother trying to pet it. Five had a bit too much going on right now to deal with some pasteurella infection from a dog bite, thanks. 

He blinked, and sighed through his nose. Well, there was his spontaneous act of kindness of the decade, so it was time for him to leave. He had better things to do. 

Five huffed and braced a hand on his knee, preparing for the phantom back pain this teenage body would never know. Right before he moved to stand, however, the tiny dog in front of him tore open a crumpled paper bag, and a half eaten chocolate cupcake tumbled out. The little rascal began sniffing it intensely, and alarm bells started ringing in Five’s head.

 _“Hey!”_ He shouted, authoritative. 

Fast as lightning, Five grabbed the dog by the thighs and _dragged_ it back in one swift motion. It yelped and yapped, but before it could twist back to bite him, Five snatched the cupcake and blinked to the opposite wall.

It whipped around, confused, before spotting the human again. It started barking incessantly in alarm.

Non-sentient animals of any kind had been strictly forbidden in the house growing up, and God knows he hadn’t seen anything bigger than a dragonfly in his forty-five year trek through the apocalypse. Despite this, Five distinctly remembered reading that chocolate was toxic to dogs. It was probably back when he found the last library standing, and entered what he called his ‘book phase’.

“I get it, alright?” Five started defensively. The pup’s barks dissolved into a low, constant growl. “Trust me, you don’t want to eat that crap even if you’re starving.” The distant memory of a moldy twinkie danced on his tongue, producing a full body shudder.

Eventually, the dog’s hunger won over its wariness, and it opted to ignore Five in favor of rummaging through the trash heap again.

Five eyed the gross, mushy cupcake in his hand with disgust. “Eugh..” He glanced up, estimating the height of the building in front of him, before pulling back and chucking the pathetic excuse for a cake onto the roof to be rid of it. It would be food for the birds, he supposed. Though, chocolate was most likely lethal to them as well. He wiped his hand on his shorts and sighed. Five had to do _everything_ around here. 

He leaned his back against the wall, and slid down to the ground with a huff. 

It was insidious. Now he couldn’t just _leave._ What would be the point of doing all that if the idiot dog just found an entirely different, yet equally deadly treat right after he left? It would be a waste of time and energy, that’s what. He had no choice but to stay. For a couple more minutes. That was all.

Five kept a close eye on the ravenous animal as he focused on breathing through his nose. The sound of rustling paper and plastic worked wonders to slow his heart rate, as Five finally felt the rest of the adrenaline from today’s events steadily leave his system. He took a moment to rub the bridge of his nose, massaging out a bit of that constant headache he felt most days.

When the small cloud overhead shifted with the wind and the sun finally poked out again, a glinting light near Five’s foot caught his attention. He took his eyes off the helpless animal he was apparently stuck babysitting for just a quick second, and what he found in return was a single shiny penny, facing heads up. Five plucked the coin from the ground and rolled it around in his fingers. 

Good old Lincoln. Five remembered being on assassination ensurance duty, April 15th, 1865 like it was only yesterday. Pretty nice guy. Had a glorious beard. Five shifted his gaze to the dog yet again. Some said finding a penny faced heads up brought good luck. Five almost wished he believed in such nonsensical things. Life would be so much simpler.

Finally, the puppy finished rifling through all the plastic and paper bags. and licked up the last crumbs it could find. As the seconds passed, Five watched its attention slowly turn back to him. Now that it wasn’t hungry anymore, the dog’s previous aggression shifted to curiosity. After a few short seconds, it started hesitantly padding over to where Five was sitting, stretching out its neck to sniff his shoe.

Five scoffed at its foolhardiness. “Great, so you’re not only a moron, but a _spunky_ moron.” He spoke quietly though, and there was no real bite to his words. The longer Five sat in one place, the more he took notice of the heaviness dragging his limbs down, and the exhaustion weighing on his eyelids. Five leisurely dropped a hand to his side, and watched as the dog inched ever closer to sniff it.

“You know,” He started, soft. “I really need to get back. Keep those idiots from burning down the mall.” The pup stepped closer and started licking his hand. “What do you think?”

It looked up at him for a brief moment, and Five stared into its big, dark eyes. 

“Yeahhh, you have a point.” He groaned suddenly, bracing his hands against the rough concrete. The dog jumped back with its tail between its legs as the boy swiftly pushed himself to his feet. He took a moment to shake out his limbs for good measure.

“Enough sulking, right?” Five grinned sardonically at the animal as his hand reached for the radio at his hip. He turned the knob to the right channel. “Better make sure they didn’t get slaughtered in the twenty minutes I’ve been gone.” He let out a shaky laugh at that, and turned on his heel to leave.

After only a few steps forward, Five heard the telltale sound of four tiny feet padding along behind him. He didn’t even spare a glance back before sighing sharply through his nose.

With no warning, Five disappeared in a flash of blue energy.

The puppy stopped abruptly in its tracks, looking around in search of its new acquaintance. 

It tilted its head, confused, and a single shrill bark echoed down the alleyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall this was so relaxing to write. finally, five gets the chance to slow down for a moment, process some things, and make a new friend. canon could never
> 
> this is basically "five projects the desire to protect his siblings onto some random puppy bc its easier to deal with dogs than people": the fic. and u know what? he's valid for it


	3. a little privacy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ;;; do not expect any more 8000 word chapters going forward, this one just got out of hand somehow ghGJTGKJHJKHJK
> 
> content warnings: discussion of gross smells, mud, and vomit. i think that's about it?
> 
> PS: i have just discovered the secret to five's dialogue in the show- that being, idioms. lots and lots of idioms. im probs gonna spend a large chunk of time today going back through all my chapters and adding old-timey idioms wherever possible, so look forward to that ghGHFTGhjk. also go watch infinity train it's great

After Five returned to his family, the rest of the day continued dreadfully uneventful. After fooling around in the mall for a few more hours and stopping by the grocery to stock up on food, the Hargreeves siblings headed back to their new apartments, all in one piece. Five never brought up his temporary absence, and neither did the rest of his family, which he was grateful for. That night, miraculously, every single member of the Umbrella Academy barring Ben ended up in the exact same place for dinner. A frankly incredible feat which was typically reserved for weddings, funerals, or invitations from their father in a different time period who hadn’t met them yet.

The siblings knew this sense of unity was bound to fade eventually, so that night they called together a ‘family meeting’ of sorts, discussing their next move. All of Five’s siblings had looked to him expectantly, which would have been appreciated in practically any other situation. As it stood, he was feeling frustratingly indecisive at the moment. As far as he was concerned, their first move would be _figuring out_ their first move. If there would even _be_ such a thing as a ‘first move’ at all. All Five could do was huff and forbid his family from going anywhere _near_ the Sparrow Academy for the time being, but he reluctantly grumbled that they could do whatever else their little hearts desired as long as they kept in touch. 

Of course, like moths to a flame, his siblings tended to do the exact opposite of what was best for them, so he had no idea how long the impact of his stern words would last. In fact, Diego would probably take time to visit dear old dad just to spite him. In reality, Five had no concrete way to prevent them from going near Reginald. Unless of course, he wanted to put them all under house arrest.

Actually…

No. No way. Nevermind. That would _definitely_ cause an apocalypse.

After his siblings had all gone off to bed, Five stayed up most of the night yet again. Since he appeared to have far more time at his disposal this go-around, Five wasn’t going to just lie down and sulk about the unpredictability of the future. He was going to do something about it.

With thirty 192-page notebooks and 17 ballpoint pens, he was going to map out an entire Non-Linear Butterfly Effect Tree, via Commission Handbook Chapter 34 section 2, taking into account every possible change to the timeline he and his siblings could have wrought based on Five’s limited knowledge of every significant interaction and individual they crossed paths and/or words with in 1963 and years prior.

Such tables were often presented to case managers as extra data points, and their accuracy varied wildly depending on the skill of the analyst: some even stooped as low as 13%. Why the Commission ever let such amateurs behind the wheel was beyond him. Once Five figured out how exactly he and his siblings had changed the timeline up to this point, he could better prepare for and properly work out the odds of any future apocalypses, significantly scarring events, or paradox-inducing situations.

Typically, it took dozens of analysts weeks to work out the effects of one misplaced conversation. 

But honestly, how hard could it be? 

Five wasn’t anything like those bureaucratic layabouts, and he was nothing if not resourceful.

April 4th, 2019(v3), 4:19pm

So here Five was, on his seventh cup of coffee of the day, kneeling on the floor of the main room of his apartment with dozens of notebooks sprawled out in a circle around him. He had burned through four pens already, and had to switch to writing with his left hand about an hour ago when his right had cramped up so much he could barely move it. He was deep in thought, about to spin on his knees and add a section to his ‘Board of Directors Assassination’ branch for the polka girls who had seen him drenched in blood, when a loud, lazy knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

“Screw off.” He replied mechanically, still focused on completing his table. 

The door opened regardless, and Five suddenly regretted Luther’s insistence on keeping their individual doors unlocked. “Hellooo~” Came the singsong voice of Klaus as he stumbled into Five’s room without permission. The man was wearing one of his fancy new scarves, and he absolutely reeked of alcohol. Go figure that Five’s simple request for silence would only hold for less than half a day.

“I have brought you-” Klaus switched into an exaggerated British accent, “an assortment of fancy cheeses!” Finally, Five tore his bloodshot eyes off the floor and spared a glance up at his brother, who was now leaning against the door lazily. He did, in fact, appear to be carrying a paper plate in his right hand. Five raised an eyebrow at this, trying to decode just what Klaus wanted from him.

“Okay, well really is’just American and Cheddar but those are the only cheeses that matter honestly.” Klaus slurred as he sauntered forward. He leaned down to place the plate on the floor, and then stumbled back a bit as he finally noticed the barrage of notebooks littering the floor.

“Wooaaah, we summoning nerd Cthulhu in here or what?”

Five huffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hand, already getting a headache. “Don’t you have somebody else to bother?” He murmured.

Klaus barreled ahead, barely paying him any mind as he moved to squat down at the edge of Five’s ring. “Y’look like one of those fantasy writers that take themselves _waaaay_ too seriously.” He brought a hand to his beard and tilted his head, considering. “But also like, with a choose-your-own-adventure book flair.”

Five blinked, confused at his brother’s thought process. “Surprisingly, Klaus? That’s not too far off.” He decided to try ignoring him entirely, turning back to writing as fast as his wrist could move. 

Klaus, on the other hand, had the brilliant idea to toss the paper plate full of cheese like a frisbee into the ring of notebooks. It toppled into Five’s thigh, scattering about a quarter of the slices onto the floor.

“Whoops.” Klaus winced, genuinely apologetic.

Five grit his teeth and felt what little patience he had left finally slip away. He snapped his scathing eyes up to Klaus’ lidded ones. “Klaus, what are you _doing_ here?” He fumed.

Klaus held a hand to his chest in the mock gesture of offence. “So what, I’m not allowed to hang out with my oldest-youngest brother anymore?”

“Not _now,_ no!”

“Ohhh c’monn, you guys are the only friends I have in this brand spankin’ new timeline.” Klaus whined.

Five almost felt a tinge of guilt flare up at that. Almost. “Then go irritate Allison. Or Vanya.”

“Yeeaahh, I _would_ if I knew where they were. But alas!” Klaus sighed in an exaggerated manner as he moved to sit criss-cross, then reached forward into Five’s bubble with a grunt to pick up a chunk of cheese that had landed on the ground. He popped it into his mouth without a second thought and sat back.

“Well, we _do_ have the radios for a _reason_ , Klaus.” Five growled, bristling at how Klaus had leaned into his space so carelessly.

“Mm, okay, but I _think_ I specifically recall a certain 58-year-old assassin threatening to break mine into tiiiiny pieces if I didn’t, and I quote, ‘use it for emergencies only’...” Klaus leaned back on his hands and gave him a shit-eating grin.

Five didn’t have a retort for that. “Then what the hell have you been doing all day?” He questioned, trying to change the subject. Five expected Klaus to snap back with a snarky comment, but when several seconds passed with no response, Five stopped in his tracks. He paused his ceaseless writing and looked up, curious. 

His brother looked genuinely caught off guard, mouth drawn in a forced, lopsided half-smile. He was staring off at the floor to his right, eyes subtly darting back and forth. He seemed to be deep in thought. Finally, he shifted his gaze back to Five and waved an arm, flippant. “Oh, y’know me. Drugs, booze, what-have-you.”

A flash of anger jolted through Five’s body. His brother wasn’t telling him something. “Klaus, what did you do?” He pressed, leaning forward ever-so-slightly.

“Nothing, alright!” Klaus smiled, but his tone of voice was defensive. “I sat around all day watching Netflix like a millennial, okay?”

“Klaus…” Five lowered his voice, deadly serious. He glared daggers at his brother, looking him directly in the eyes. A few tense seconds passed, and a bead of sweat dropped down Klaus’ forehead.

“Okay, well.” He averted his eyes and twirled his scarf around his fingers, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “ _Maaaybe_ I had a _little_ bit of a run-in with those Sparrow guys, but I mean, no big deal, right?”

Five froze, and his mouth dropped open. He blinked rapidly for a few moments.

“To be fair, though!” Klaus put his hands up and leaned back. “You said we weren’t allowed to drop by the _Academy_. You didn’t say anything about meeting them in person.”

Five just stared near Klaus’ feet, face cycling through all the stages of grief in a span of two seconds. “Klaus, it hasn’t even been a _single_ day!”

“Look, they were out on a mission! And I happened to be in the area soo..”

Five slumped forward, running a hand through the hair near his forehead. “A single day...” He repeated, blank.

“Y’know, this is gonna sound wild to say, but I think we actually turned out pretty great compared to those hot topic bastards.” Klaus interrupted quickly, gesturing with his hands. It was like once he started thinking about them, the floodgates were opened and he couldn’t stop talking. “I mean, Christ, Reggie really shoved some sticks up their asses.”

Five grit his teeth, shock slowly and surely beginning to be replaced by a hot, spiteful fury.

“And they stick to each other like glue, which is weird as hell.” Klaus continued, doing everything he could to avoid his brother’s gaze.

Five filed this frustratingly useful information away for later. His hands clenched into small, tight fists. 

“Listen to this-” Klaus suddenly turned to Five and leaned forward, bracing his hands on the ground. Klaus met his eyes then, with an almost manic expression. “Did you know Emo Ben _never_ snuck out of the house in this timeline? Not even once! The poor soul.” He shook his head at this, like he couldn’t even understand the concept. “There’s so much... untapped _potential_ for rebellious antics here, Fivey!” His mouth stretched into a pleading smile, but there was something sharp behind his expression that Five couldn’t place. “We need to open their eyes, change their hearts, lead them _down_ the path of mutiny-” 

Five’s eyes widened, and he slammed a palm against the wooden floor. “ _No,_ Klaus.” He commanded, loud. He attempted to put as much power and gravitas into his voice as possible to convey the seriousness of the situation. He stared Klaus straight in the eye as he spoke. “Until we know what we’re dealing with, we need to affect the timeline as little as possible.” He clarified, frustrated. “You are _not_ permitted to talk to Ben-”

“Emo Ben”

“-in or out of the Academy. _Got it_?”

Klaus huffed out a laugh, quick, with a subtle hint of bitterness. He leaned back on his hands, and... did he just roll his eyes? “Damn, okay _Dad_.”

Five bristled and his pulse started to pick up, notebooks completely forgotten. “Klaus, this isn’t some kind of _joke_. We’re talking about the fate of the world here.”

A few seconds passed, and Klaus rested his chin on his hand as he looked away, half-covering a small, sardonic smile. There it was again. That sharp, acidic glint behind his eyes that Five just couldn’t place.

Finally, he spoke, voice thick and satirical. “What, so Vanya is the only exception? We’re just, giving up on Ben?”

Any retort Five would have had died in his throat. He was locked in place, staring at his brother with wide eyes.

Klaus picked at the edge of one of Five’s notebooks, then, but he couldn’t be bothered to slap his brother’s hand away. 

“What about ‘ohana means family’?” Klaus blurt out.

A beat passed in silence. 

Five blinked. “...Wh...?”

Klaus stared for a few moments, utterly still, before sighing dramatically. “Damn, I forgot you weren’t around to watch the classic animated 2002 Disney dramedy, Lilo and Stitch.” Suddenly, it was as if his earlier bout of sincerity was completely abandoned. “ _The_ most underrated Disney movie, might I add-”

A white hot flash of fury ran through Five’s veins, and his mouth curled up into a vicious, twisted smile. He resisted the urge to rise to his feet, wanting desperately to be able to tower over his bastard of a brother. “Klaus, can you be serious for once in your life? This is _important.”_

“I am completely serious!” Klaus cried, meeting his brother’s eyes again. That undercurrent of frustrated exasperation was shining through again. “Is Ben not part of the family anymore? Just because he’s got a dumb haircut?”

Five’s sharp mind connected dots faster than lightning, defensive and ready to argue. “No, Klaus. _Maybe_ he’s not part of the family because he’s lived an _entirely different life_ for the past _30 years_ and doesn’t recognize us at all!” He snarled without thinking. Klaus raised his eyebrows at that, almost imperceptibly. 

Five faltered though, as he realized what he just said. His heart was racing, and the walls around them had started to feel smaller for whatever ungodly reason. He huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “And that’s not even- I mean, he _is_ part of the family. I’m not _saying_ we give up on him-”

Klaus laughed, scathing. “Way to contradict yourself, buddy.” He pushed his hands off of the wooden floor and stumbled to his feet suddenly. He shuffled over to the small couch to his right, flopping down into the soft cushions. “You really have this _allll_ figured out, huh.” He mocked, staring down at Five.

“Hey, don’t _patronize_ me. Just shut up and listen.” Five growled, shoulders hunched. “You’re letting your simple emotions get the better of you.”

Klaus scoffed, eyes shining. “Oh wooow, _that’s_ rich. Wanna look in the mirror, pal?”

Five clenched his jaw so hard he thought it might break. Without warning, he shot to his feet, glaring down at the brother sitting on his couch a few feet away. “What the hell did you even come here to _do_ , Klaus? Convince me that messing with forces we don’t understand is somehow _good,_ actually?” He laughed once in disbelief, gesturing around the room. “Did you come here to _buy my favor_ with _shitty cheese_?”

Klaus crossed his legs, bouncing a foot in irritation. “Maybe I didn’t want my brother to shut himself up in his room all day for no reason-” 

“No reason.” Five repeated, incredulous.

“-when he could be, I dunno, catching up on the 17 years he was gone?” Klaus finished, picking at his nails. His faux calm was barely serviceable, however. Five just blinked at this, utterly affronted. Klaus titled his head and rested his cheek on his hand, flicking his gaze from his nails to Five. “I’m just saying, I don’t understand the rush! We have all the time in the world now-”

“Since when have _you_ ever desired to _understand_ something?” Five snapped.

“I w-”

“And _maybe_ I feel the need to rush because I know _some people_ seem utterly incapable of following simple directions!” Five barked, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.

Klaus clapped his hands together suddenly, and shot up straight in his seat. Smiling, yet serious. “Ok, Mr. Leader Man. Let me ask you this.” He leaned forward in mock innocence. “Apparently you’re the master on all things timey wimey, so, _why_ am I not ~permitted~ to talk to Ben?”

Five stood there in silence, fuming. 

Klaus tilted his head. “Hm? What’s that? Surely there must be a reason, so explain it to me!”

Five paused, and for a second he thought he might literally be seeing red. “That _reason_ is something your puny, drug-addled _brain_ couldn’t _possibly_ comprehend.” He started to pace in the small, tight circle of his notebook ring. “Tell me, should I get a whiteboard? Do you have a few _days_ to spare?” He stopped in his tracks and turned back to Klaus, seething. “How about I give you a run down on Theoretical Temporal Physics while I’m at it!” His face stretched into a twisted smile that was all teeth, on guard and ready for a fight.

Klaus exhaled sharply through his nose and looked away, clearly angry. 

Five bristled, mind racing, hundreds of aggressive retorts just resting on the tip of his tongue, waiting for an opportunity to pounce.

A handful of heavy seconds passed in silence. But as Five found himself getting more worked up, he watched as the frustrated tension slowly started to drain from Klaus’ face. His brother was eyeing the armrest of the couch intently, deep in thought. His furrowed brows relaxed, and his eyes were subtly darting back and forth. Finally, Klaus said something that shocked Five into stillness.

“Sorry.”

Five blinked. Then he blinked again. He paused, and for the first time that afternoon, _really_ looked into his brother’s eyes.

They looked heavy, exhausted. Weighed down by regret, and grief.

Klaus leaned back into the couch cushions and sighed, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling. “Yeah... Yeah, sorry.” He looked up at Five out of the corner of his eye, head slack. “I think I’m just grumpy ‘cause of the whole..” He gestured with his hand, “...afterlife thing.” He gave Five a fake, brittle smile, attempting to keep up his nonchalant facade.

Five didn’t know how to respond, staring dumbly. After a few seconds of silence, he shifted his gaze to the notebooks scattered across the floor.

After a few more long, heavy seconds, Klaus spoke again, with a sad smile.

“You know what sucks?” He laughed. “I almost feel like it would have been better if Ben stayed gone.” Five held his breath, and looked back at his brother, face carefully neutral.

Klaus sat back up and shifted to twirl his scarf in his hands. He kept his eyes on the ground, voice thick with emotion. “I know, messed up, right?” He said, mocklingly. “But it’s like,” He stared out ahead of himself at nothing in particular, splaying his hands in front of him. “At least before, it was _done,_ y’know?”

Five exhaled, slow and silent, willing his racing thoughts to focus.

Klaus continued, hunched over, touching his elbows to his knees.“Like, that’s it! Closed book. Full circle. He’s done, and that’s okay! Had his final words, and there’s nothin’ you can do about it!” Klaus shook his head. “But now it’s all just-” He laughed, thick and watery.

“It’s all just gravy.” He sighed. “Does that make sense?” 

For a few long moments, all they could hear was the subtle sounds of traffic outside.

“...Yeah, it does.” Five’s voice was hushed, deliberately level. 

Then, Five gently lowered himself back to the ground, kneeling on the hard wooden floor. He curled his fingers around the pen he had abandoned minutes prior. After a brief pause, he turned to a notebook on his right and started writing in it, as if nothing had even happened.

Five cleared his throat, keeping his head down and his eyes firmly locked on the paper below. “...Vanya came by earlier. She said she was going to the park.” His voice was quiet, soft.

A few silent moments passed as he continued writing. Then, Klaus sighed, sounding about as tired as Five felt. “Yeahhh, guess I might as well... go say hi.” After a long pause, he finally pulled his gangly limbs off the couch to stand with a grunt, and Five did not look up.

Klaus moved to leave, but he hovered by the door a second too long, his body swaying slightly. He turned back to look at his brother, hunched over on the floor, surrounded by scattered notebooks.

“Wanna come with?” He offered, voice as genuine as he could muster.

There was a pause.

As the seconds ticked by and all that Klaus received in return was the quiet, scratchy sounds of pen on paper, his face dropped into a small, sad frown.

He sighed, barely audible. “Figured.” Then, he twisted the handle and opened the door, stepping through without any fanfare. 

He shut the door quietly behind him.

A shaky breath passed through Five’s lips, and he stopped writing as soon as the door clicked shut. His penmanship had devolved into barely legible scribbles, though he was loath to admit it. He blinked a few times, willing his pounding heart to slow. He shook his thoughts of Klaus and grit his teeth. He needed to get back to work.

But as the minutes ticked by and his hand was left just barely hovering over the paper, unable to stick to one train of thought, Five exhaled sharply through his nose and rubbed his eyes. Despite himself, his thoughts couldn’t help but drift back to his lost, 6th sibling.

When he saw Ben for the first time in 45 years, that fateful night at the theatre, his form was bathed in the familiar blue light of their powers. Truthfully, Five had only recognized him by the tentacles erupting from his stomach. Ben was taller than he remembered, older, with a deeper voice. Five didn’t have the chance to memorize Ben’s aged form like he did with his other siblings. He had stared at Vanya’s ‘meet the author’ picture for hours on end, and he had plenty of time to burn every curve of his other sibling’s faces into his memory the night he buried them. Ben, on the other hand, was the only exception. Five remembered staying up some nights in the apocalypse, wasting hours simply imagining what he might have looked like.

But as soon as Five saw him in the flesh two days ago- saw his round cheeks and thick, dark hair- all he could see was the boy he grew up with.

Ben was a meek child. Shy, but kind, which frustrated Five to no end. Underneath his scared, timid exterior, there was this… little spark of brilliance that was so obvious to those looking for it. Ben could be snarky, and clever, and so _smart_ at times. But this part of him was often tamped down by fear and self-doubt. In Five’s youthful arrogance, he considered Ben to be a bit pathetic. At the time, all he could see was untapped potential. He knew Ben could be so much _more_ than what he was if he didn’t hold himself back, if he found some ambition, if he just believed in himself.

So seeing him older, cold and jaded brought with it a different type of hollowness. It felt like grieving a concept. How drastically would things have changed, if he had been there when...?

Five exhaled sharply and scraped his fingernails across the wooden floor in frustration. He wasn’t going to make any progress like this. He glanced around the small apartment that wasn’t really his. After a few restless moments he sighed and pushed himself to his feet, a bit dizzy. 

Ah. He had missed lunch.

Five bent back down and picked up Klaus’ plate of cheese in one hand, carefully stepping through the circle of notebooks as he brought a chunk of cheddar to his mouth and gnawed through it. He made his way to the window, pulling up the blinds in one swift motion. The sunlight glared directly in his eyes and he reeled back, wincing. Five blinked a few times, deep in thought. He really should get some fresh air- keep the mind sharp. 

He nibbled on another chunk of cheese as he paced back and forth for a few moments, body thrumming with nervous energy. If that was how conversations were going to go today, he really did not want to run into his other siblings. Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks, an idea coming to mind. 

Five set the plate of cheese on the nearby table, then pivoted towards his new pantry, tugging open the door. Inside sat a large stash of long-lasting canned food, six different canisters of coffee grounds, a bag of marshmallows, and a jar of peanut butter. Five bent down to the very bottom shelf, reaching all the way to the back. Hidden in the corner was a small bag of dog food that he had swiped at the store under his sibling’s noses.

Five paused for a moment, before ripping open the top and reaching down to grab two handfuls. Then, he unceremoniously stuffed the dog food in his pockets. It was a bit of an unsophisticated method of transportation, but the subtler the better. He glanced around the room warily before pushing the bag back into its hiding place.

This would be perfect. Five was planning on dropping by the alley anyways. He would just jump over, leave some food for that dog from yesterday to find, and pop back to work before he knew it. Fresh air acquired. The way he saw it, there was no point in helping that pathetic creature if it went and keeled over from an unhealthy diet, right? It would just be a waste of time and investment. Five sighed, shaky. If nothing else, this way he could say he did everything he could. 

It would be a simple, quick, multitask. 

Yes, it was perfectly logical. He just didn’t have the _time_ to waste with Klaus and Vanya at the park. His sharp mind rebutted that, theoretically, he would be able to leave at any point. Five staunchly ignored that thought as he blinked out of the apartment and onto the sidewalk below. At least this way he would be accomplishing something.

Five strolled through the city for a quiet few minutes, which was much less bustling now than it was yesterday at lunchtime. The weather was still quite sunny, which irritated his overworked eyes, but no one shot him weird looks or decided to bother him. All in all, Five considered the walk as pleasant as it could have been. Pleasant-adjacent, at least, and all the movement did wonders to work out all the nervous energy that had accrued in the last several minutes, as his heart rate slowed to an acceptable level.

Eventually, Five arrived at the bakery from yesterday, and turned the same corner into the alleyway. As expected, there wasn’t a soul in sight. He honestly didn’t expect to see the dog at all- it was probably out roaming the city. For all he knew, it could have been found and taken to a shelter by now. So when the road T-sectioned into another alley, he wasn’t surprised to see it empty. The garbage bin from yesterday was still in the same spot, though this time it was upright and in perfect condition. A large cement brick was placed in front of it, presumably to keep it from falling over again. 

Five sauntered over to the opposite wall, eyes scanning the ground. Amusingly, the penny he found yesterday was in the exact same spot, heads up. Five squatted down and emptied his pockets of dog food, placing it in a little pile. Then, he wiped his hands together to get rid of any dusty remnants. Perfect. That had taken no time at all.

Five was about to rise to his feet and warp away, when out of the blue, he heard a single shrill bark echo down the alley. 

He glanced up, surprised, and saw the tiny silhouette of a dark blob in the distance. 

After only a moment of brief hesitation, the dark shape _sped_ towards him at lightning speed. Five _jerked_ back on instinct, but it skidded to a halt right before it could crash into him. It leaned forward, sniffing at his knees intensely, its small, dark tail wagging like there was no tomorrow. 

Upon closer inspection, this seemed to be the same pup from yesterday, only completely and utterly _caked_ in mud. Only the tiniest sliver of caramel brown fur poked through around its eyes. But most importantly, as Five took his first breath in vicinity of the tiny creature, his nose was wracked with one of THE _nastiest_ scents he had ever had the horror of experiencing. 

Five reeled back, covering his nose and mouth with both hands as the disgusting dog finally noticed the small pile of food Five had left, gulping it down in record time. This thing smelled like it went and rolled in mud, something dead, _and_ a moldy garbage bag all at once. “For crying out loud, where have you _been_?” His voice cracked on the last word, which would have been humiliating in literally any other company. 

Somehow, the pup had gobbled down every last piece of dog food by the time Five finished his sentence. The menace then turned its attention back to Five, jumping up and putting its paws on Five’s thigh, streaking mud across his shorts.

“ _No_ , no!” He yelped, blinking back several feet in a flash of blue light. The puppy flinched at the sight, but started padding back over to Five after a few short seconds. Five put his hands out in warning as he backed away slowly. “No. _Bad_ dog.” 

The mud-soaked puppy gradually stopped in its tracks and decided to stand there panting, staring at him with its tail wagging wildly. Five took a moment to drag a tired hand down his face. This was just ridiculous.

Suddenly, the radio at his hip clicked on, and Klaus’ distorted voice echoed through the alley. _“Heeeyy, guys, gals, etcetera etcetera! Me and Vanya are havin’ a rager at the park, if you guys want to come!”_ Vanya’s soft laugh could be barely heard in the background.

 _“It’s just a picnic blanket and a few beers, so, yeah.”_ Vanya’s voice crackled through this time, a bit harder to make out since she talked so quietly.

 _“-st one here’s a rotten egg!”_ Klaus shouted. The first part of his sentence was cut off, as if he forgot only one person could speak at a time.

The puppy below him let loose one quick _yap,_ and Five stared down at the pitiable creature. He needed to leave. Just jump out, go back to work, pretend he had never been here. But the more he told himself to get going, the more his feet felt glued in place.

There was no way he could leave it here looking like that.

Five started pacing back and forth in the small alley, the puppy swiveling its head to watch him. This stupid dog was going to die if he didn’t so something. He didn’t know how exactly, but he could feel it deep in his old bones. Some random civilian would probably shoot it on sight for looking and smelling like the rabid manifestation of death itself. Suddenly, a thought popped into Five’s head.

When was the last time _he_ had taken a bath?

Five blinked. Then he glanced around the alley to make sure no one was watching, and slowly brought his nose to his armpit. 

“Oh holy HELL, run me through a wood chipper!” As soon as he caught a whiff, Five reeled back at his own awful stench. Fucking _second puberty._ No wonder Luther considered putting him out of his damn misery.

Five started mentally listing out all the risks and rewards of bringing this dumb, stupid, _idiot_ dog back to his apartment for a quick bath. Which was a brainless idea that shouldn’t even be entertained, mind you!

Sure, it would take twenty minutes tops. The rest of his siblings probably wouldn’t be home until at least dinner. If his uniform got muddy, he would finally have an excuse to change his clothes and take a shower. If he just left the dog here, it would probably nag at the back of his mind all night and his productivity would decrease significantly. He wouldn’t do this because he had grown fond of it. It was just common sense.

The benefits were very tempting. It was simply rational, _not_ a rationalization.

The dog started up at him with big, dark eyes, its tail wagging gently. Five tapped his foot against the ground in aggravation.

Christ, in the time he had stood here screwing around, he could have taken the dog and been done with it already. The creature padded over to his feet and started sniffing his shoe curiously. Five sighed. Screw it. 

Without thinking, he leaned down and scooped the tiny dog into his arms in one fell swoop. Surprisingly, it didn’t growl or even bark at the action. Five’s suit and vest would end up muddy as all hell, but he would deal with that later. 

Wow, he was _actually_ doing this. Maybe permanent lowering of the IQ was a hidden eighth stage of Paradox Psychosis.

Darting through dark alleys and hiding in plain sight, Five utilized his expert assassin skills in probably the most ridiculous way yet. It took a few extra minutes to make his way around to their apartment building, but it was worth it in exchange for not being spotted.

As he approached the building, he started to simply warp in, blue light radiating from his hands. He stopped at the last second, however, and looked down at the creature in his arms. He wasn’t sure he wanted to wash dog puke out of his clothes anytime soon. Instead, Five narrowed his eyes, scanning the area for any eye witnesses. When he saw none, he darted to the front door and pulled the handle, only for it to jiggle uselessly.

Right. It was locked.

Five huffed, anxious, and lowered the puppy to the ground. “Do _not_ move.” He whispered. It simply panted and wagged its tail in return. 

In one swift motion, Five blinked inside and opened the door. Then he leaned down and scooped the puppy back into his arms before it could track mud inside.

Five made his way down the hall and scurried up the stairs as fast and quiet as possible, listening intently for any sounds of activity in the building. Luckily, it seemed as if he was in the clear. In no time at all he snuck his way to his apartment. He twisted the handle and opened the door, practically leaping inside. He wasted no time shutting the door with his shoulder, and he sighed in relief once they were safe.

Then, Five strode forward, carefully stepping around the ring of notebooks littering the floor. He made a beeline straight to the bathroom, pulling aside the shower curtain and setting the revolting dog down. He shook his hands out in disgust.

Alright. Bath. Dog baths. He had never actually done this before. 

Couldn’t be harder than travelling back through time, so...

It was then that Five realized something crucial- they only had human shampoo. Ah. That might be a problem. He glanced around uselessly for a moment, slightly overwhelmed. Then he turned back to the panting dog in front of him and held up a finger to get its attention.

“Stay. Thank you.” 

He left unceremoniously, blinking into the main room. After rifling around in the cabinet under the sink, he found a bottle of dish soap. It would have to do.

It was no sooner that he found the dish soap than he started to hear the telltale _clack_ of claws on tile in the distance. “No! Nonono-” Five blinked back to the bathroom, bottle in hand. He pushed the puppy who had been clamoring out back into the shower with a huff. “You’re killing me here.” He deadpanned.

Five reached up and unhooked the shower head. Then he kneeled down just outside, blocking any potential escape routes for the puppy. He sighed and took off his suit jacket, folding it neatly and setting it on top of the toilet seat at his side. 

Five paused for a moment, reconsidering every single life choice that had lead him to this moment, as he stared down the dog caked in mud and who-knows-what in front of him.

Five sighed for what felt like the 20th time in ten minutes, then he popped open the bottle of dish soap and poured it into his hands. He started scrubbing the puppy down, disgusted as large clumps of mud began to fall off even without water. It all mixed together in a gross, soapy mess. The dog didn’t seem to mind, though, as it was currently focused on licking Five’s forearm. Despite himself, Five couldn’t help a small smile making its way onto his face. As surreal as the whole experience was, it felt… strangely good, to wash something instead of bloody something.

He took the shower head in one hand and leaned up, turning the knob to a warm setting. The sound of the rushing water startled the puppy a bit, and it stepped back. Five didn’t pay it any mind and held it in place with one hand, before spraying the water directly on its back.

Immediately, the puppy jerked back and started yapping up a storm, flinging mud everywhere. “ _Hey_ , shhh, what-” Five pointed the stream of water away from the dog, confused and alarmed. The puppy backed up into the corner with its tail between its legs, shivering. 

Oh. He had to wait for the water to warm up. Right. Five always took cold showers, so he hadn’t even thought about it. “Sorry.” He cooed, reaching over to pet the slimy creature in an attempt to appease it while they waited.

Once the water was appropriately warm, it was time for round two. The pup had a much calmer reaction to the warm water, and Five watched as the mud and gunk slowly washed down the drain in chunks. 

“You been out there saving the world or what?” He teased, quiet. 

Five worked his hand through the puppy’s short fur, staying clear of its face and mouth. He still wasn’t too keen on getting bitten. It took several long minutes for the water rushing down the drain to change from thick and black to clean and clear, but Five found himself enjoying the experience far more than he thought he should. Something about the constant sound of rushing water accompanied by the mechanical act of rinsing the dog set his mind at ease in a way he hadn’t quite known before. He supposed living 40 years without such a thing as running water would do that to a man.

Eventually though, the deed was done. Five stood up to turn off the water and slide the shower head back into place. Then, he looked down at the soaked puppy. Without warning, it wound itself up and _shook,_ flinging water in every direction. Five flinched back and covered his face with his arms, grimacing.

Right. He needed a towel. He glanced around his new bathroom, only to find it… completely devoid of them.

Wonderful.

With a huff, Five blinked over to Diego’s bathroom, snatching a towel from his rack. He warped back in front of the shower-

Only to find it empty.

Five whipped around to see the little rascal trotting it’s way into the main room, dripping water all over the floor. Five had left the damn door open. “No you don’t!” He shouted, warping over and trapping the dog in the towel before it could trample over any of Five’s notebooks.

If he was any less distracted, he might have heard the door to the apartment building downstairs open and shut.

Five took a minute to completely dry the puppy off with the towel, sighing in relief when it stopped dripping water everywhere. Five tossed the damp towel back into the bathroom and ran a hand through the puppy’s short fur. It shook itself again, but it was dry enough that no drops of water went flying.

There. It was done. See? That had taken ten minutes, tops. Now he could take it back to the alley and be done with it-

Suddenly, he heard Allison’s voice echo through the door.

“Five? You still in there?” 

Five jolted in alarm, grip tightening on the dog in front of him.

His heart started racing almost instantaneously.

“Uh- Busy, stay out!” He shouted, scooping the puppy into his arms and glancing around the small apartment wildly. This day was just insistent on going from bad to worse.

Allison hesitated a few seconds, before clearing her voice. “Five, I need to talk to you about something important.”

He scrambled around the apartment, desperately looking for somewhere to hide an _entire goddamn dog_. 

He briefly considered locking it in the bathroom, but then it might scratch on the door. He could teleport it outside, but he didn’t want to hurt it. Panicking, he dropped the dog onto the main room’s small couch and blinked to his bedroom, grabbing a blanket.

“I really think it can wait!” Five growled out towards the door. He blinked back to the couch, blanket in hard. He turned to the puppy sitting diligently on the couch and leaned down close, practically nose-to-nose. “ _If you produce even a single sound I will make it my mission to assure every day of the rest of your short little life is as miserable as physically possible._ ” He whispered, trying to put as much menace into his voice as he could.

Apparently it wasn’t much, as the puppy just leaned forward and licked his nose, tail wagging.

“What are you doing in there- are you okay?” Allison’s voice rang through, sounding genuinely worried.

“None of your concern!” He shouted, throwing the blanket over the dog.

“Ok, that’s it, I’m coming in.” She declared firmly.

Five barely had time to throw himself into a sitting position on the couch and pull the puppy cocooned in blankets to his side, using his body to block it from view of the doorway, when he heard his door click open and saw Allison’s hesitant form step in.

“Has anyone in this house heard of a little thing called _privacy_?” He spat, mouth twisted into a vicious scowl.

“Sorry, Five.” Allison uttered, apologetic. She shut the door behind her and looked around the room, seeming more nervous than usual. She noticed the open door to the bathroom, with wet splotches gathered on the floor, and she looked down at the dozens of notebooks scattered in the middle of the room with a raised eyebrow.

“I thought you were on a _date_ with Luther.” Five jabbed, annoyed. He felt the blob of blankets start wiggling at his side, and he sneakily slipped a hand under, petting the dog to keep it from moving too much.

She pointedly ignored his attempt to rile her up, and stepped around the circle of notebooks towards the couch. She seemed awfully distracted today, thank God.

“Hah, no. I needed some alone time after... well, everything.” She slowly lowered herself onto the opposite end of the couch, hands clasped in front of her.

O...kay. “You do realize this is the exact _opposite_ of ‘alone time’, right?” Five shifted in place, nervous. Why was she still here?

“Five…” Her eyes darted from her hands to his face, mouth drawn in a tight line. “Can I ask you something?” Her tone was dead serious, with a hint of sadness.

Five’s stomach dropped at that, and he rubbed the dog’s ear with one hand. Luckily, it seemed content to lay still in the warm swatch of blankets after it had just taken a bath.

“Cleary you’re going to.” Five deadpanned. But his tone held no real bite, and he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Allison opened her mouth to speak, but her eyes flicked to Five’s chest and her words caught in her throat. Suddenly, her eyebrows scrunched together in alarm. “Wait,” 

“Is that… mud on your vest?” She asked instead, with a slight tilt to her head. “And.. what is that smell?” Her voice was dripping with confusion.

Five blinked. Time to act natural.

“It’s dried blood.”

Wow.

Allison raised her eyebrows at that, blinking rapidly in alarm. Before she could open her mouth to say something, Five barreled on, desperately trying to find his way out of the hole he just dug.

“It’s mine, don’t worry.” He offered.

This did not seem to placate her at all. 

In fact, her mouth dropped open slightly, and she twisted her body to further face him on the couch, eyes shifting down ever so slightly in thought.

“Nothing serious,” He clarified, sweating. “Just. An accident with the shrapnel stitches.” He lied as convincingly as possible. “It’s under control now. It’ll be fine.” 

Allison blinked, looking far from convinced, but she knew better than to argue. “...Alright.” She huffed out a quiet, disbelieving laugh and shook her head. “Sorry, sometimes I forget how… recent 2019 was for you.”

“Anyways, what were you going to ask?” Five pressed, changing the subject. There was no way the puppy settled under the blankets beside him would be satiated by pets forever, so he needed Allison out as quickly as possible.

She hesitated, seemingly taking in the ragged appearance of her brother. After a few long, awkward seconds, she averted her eyes, uncharacteristically timid. “Nevermind. You were right, it can wait.”

Five huffed, and his foot started tapping impatiently on the wooden floor. “Just get it over with. You’ve taken up enough of my time.” That came out a bit harsher than he meant it to, but he didn’t flinch, staring her straight in the eye.

Allison’s eyebrows furrowed, and she glanced to her clasped hands for a moment in thought. “Fine.” She sighed, making eye contact again. Her face was completely serious, mouth drawn in a soft frown.

“Is there _any way_ we can save Claire?”

Five’s blood ran cold at the question and he froze, eyes wide.

Oh.

The sound of his heartbeat rushed through his ears as the seconds ticked by in silence. 

After a few moments, he couldn’t look Allison in the eye any longer, gaze shifting to his knees.

 _I don’t think so,_ he wanted to say.

“I’m working it out.” He said instead, quiet, eyeing the notebooks on the floor.

A barely audible sigh made Five’s gaze flick to Allison again. Her eyes were turned towards the ground, and they looked exhausted. Disheartened. Grieving. She pulled herself together after a few short seconds and nodded, closing her eyes briefly. “Right. Thank you, Five.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have more to give you.” He offered, genuine.

“No, no, that’s okay.” She shook her head and moved to stand. “You’ve already done a lot.”

Five felt uncomfortable leaving the conversation on such a dour note, so he spoke up as she turned to leave. “Klaus and Vanya are at the park, if you-”

_“YAP!”_

Allison and Five both froze at the sudden, unmistakable sound of a dog’s bark, coming from the pile of blankets at Five’s side. Slowly, they both turned their heads to the source of the sound.

Allison watched in wonder, and Five watched in mortification as the pile of blankets wriggled, and a small, curious head popped out, panting heavily and sniffing at the air.

Seconds passed in complete silence.

“I hate you so much.” Five stage-whispered to the puppy that was now climbing into his lap.

Suddenly, a short, high-pitched _squeeing_ noise made Five whip his head to Allison in alarm. He hadn’t heard that sound from her since they were _kids._

“Five!” She shouted. She was standing there, slack-jawed, eyes wide and glued to the puppy in Five’s lap, hands gripping her head in shock and delight. “What? Why? When? How??”

“Ok listen this is _not_ what it looks like!” He spoke quickly, panicked, keeping his voice down even though there was no one else in the apartment building. He picked the puppy out of his lap and tossed it back onto the blankets in disgust. “I just- found it, and it was filthy, so I decided to give it a bath! That’s all!” He rambled on as the smile on Allison’s face grew wider and wider.

“You just- found a random dog in the street and thought, let’s give it a _bath_?” Allison’s voice held more awe than judgement, and she stepped closer as the dog tried to make its way back to Five’s lap. Five held out his hands to block the little menace. 

“I’ve had a rough few weeks, okay!?” His voice cracked embarrassingly on ‘weeks’, causing his already flushed face to turn completely red from shame. _Damn_ second puberty.

“Alright, y’know what? That’s it! Get out!” Five rose to his feet suddenly, marching over to Allison and physically _pushing_ her towards the door. She started laughing then, letting herself be dragged along by Five. She wiped a tear from her eye, still not quite comprehending what on _Earth_ just happened.

Five opened the door and gently shoved her into the hall, ignoring the pitter patter of claws on wood behind him as the puppy trotted after him.

Five grabbed Allison’s arm to get her attention, glaring directly into her eyes, intense and hilariously serious. “Listen. We will not _speak_ of this, we will not _think_ of this, and none of the others are going to _know_ about this. Is. That. Clear?” 

Allison couldn’t hold back her smile, but even though it was clear she didn’t feel threatened, she made a zipping motion over her lips with her hand anyways. “My lips are sealed.” She reassured, fondly. 

Five couldn’t quite find it in himself to stay upset. Not when he saw the raw grief in Allison’s eyes from before be reduced to such a tiny spark like this. “Good.” He replied simply, shutting the door in her face.

Five waited until he heard the _click click_ of Allison’s shoes echo down the hall. Then he turned on his heel and leaned against the door, sinking down to the ground with a sigh.

The puppy was at his side in an instant, pawing at his hand and wagging his tail.

“You’re the worst, you know that?”

But Five’s voice was quiet, and he rubbed the dog’s ear as he said it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five is compulsively taking steps to keep mr pennycrumb alive bc he wasn’t there to keep ben alive and paid the price for it, in this essay i w
> 
> but YEAH! wow! bit of a heavier chapter with some uncomfortable conversations. at least we have a puppy to make everything better! i think a lot of ppl underestimate how genuinely Soft five can be. also maybe i just want him to relax for once in his life ok thank u
> 
> note: feral dogs are NOT this nice ghghkghk my hc backstory is that he used to be a pampered pup that got thrown out bc he was too expensive to deal with (PS: did u notice five finally thought of the pup using 'he' instead of 'it' near the end there? 👀)


	4. coffee and sharpies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "dont expect any more long chapters" i said. "this was just a one time thing" i said.
> 
> khjghjyjk hello!! sorry for the late chapter, i got momentarily obsessed with infinity train for a few days there lmao. college classes have started up so it'll probably take a bit for new chapters to go live, but not the length of wait from last one. so hopefully the wait time will be somewhere in the middle! 
> 
> content warnings: insomnia, some alcohol dependency, general anxiousness. that's about it!

After a solid minute of sitting slumped against the door, letting this infuriating rat-dog scratch at his vest, Five shook his head and forced his limbs to move.

“You have officially overstayed your welcome.” He snapped down at the creature. That entire fiasco was as good of a wake-up call as any to remind him he needed to get back to work. 

Five hefted the tiny animal into his arms and crept outside the apartment building, eyes peeled for any of his other siblings. Luckily, not a soul was in sight. He took a few minutes to march back to the alley he’d found the dog, then set him down unceremoniously. 

Before the puppy could even turn around to sniff at his socks, Five disappeared in a flash of blue light, jumping back to the apartment in four quick warps. 

He felt his shoes touch hard wood as he landed right in the middle of his notebook spiral. He took a deep breath, Allison’s words still ringing in his ears.

_Is there any way we can save Claire?_

Time to find out. 

Five spent the rest of the day kneeling on the floor. Ink stained his fingers as he tore through pen after pen. He attempted to fill in every little blank, working backwards through this grand temporal equation. To save room, he wrote so small he probably would have needed a monocle of his own if it weren't for the young, fresh eyes this body supplied. 

He shifted his focus for Allison, changing tactics. Was there a way to change the course of time without running into a previous instance of themselves? In both original timelines, Allison met her husband because of the circumstances of her adoption via their father. But this timeline was so, irrevocably _different_. They hadn’t just stepped on a butterfly, they set the entire forest on fire in this analogy.

Safe to say, the problem was a real head-scratcher. But Five was never one to give up easily. Things were only impossible until you discovered they weren’t. He had learned that the hard way.

Still, the sheer scale of it all was a bit overwhelming. 

He did manage to remember to take a shower that night, when the stench from the mud and God knows what else smeared on his clothes kept nagging at him. It was a quick, cold, five-minute shower, but refreshing all the same. He was secretly grateful his siblings had insisted on buying him more clothes, though he was loath to admit it. He changed into one of his new outfits, surprised at how much better he felt afterwards. It looked nearly identical to his uniform, the only real difference being the patterned vest, which was blue instead of red. It felt oddly nice to let his hair air dry- he hadn’t realized how greasy it had gotten until it wasn’t. 

Five stayed up late into the night working on his plotting and calculations. Occasionally he heard the sound of muffled conversations below as his siblings slowly filtered in and retreated to their apartments. By some miracle, no one came up to bother him. Five took advantage of this relative silence, only stopping when the letters and numbers on the pages below began to blur together; when he couldn’t focus on one problem for more than ten seconds. 

When it was clear he couldn’t continue without resting for the night, he trudged to his new bedroom and took off his blazer, folding it neatly on the nightstand. He stole a glance at the alarm clock resting on top. 1:15 am. He unclipped his radio and set it gently next to the clock. Then he slipped off his shoes and socks, tossing them on the floor haphazardly. Finally, he crawled into bed, hoping sleep would come quickly.

Which was easier said than done, because there was _one_ little thing that kept nagging at the back of his head.

That being- the existence of a precious, solitary briefcase, currently hidden under the floorboards of Five’s closet. 

Ever since Allison had made her request, the sheer _importance_ of that one bulky box kept creeping into Five’s mind, uninvited. When they had first arrived in this timeline, he assumed he’d never have to use it again, but now… 

And chances are they _wouldn’t_ , of course. Unless he could be absolutely sure they wouldn’t simply screw up the timeline further. Regardless, it wasn’t just a matter of keeping the briefcase safe for them, he also needed to make sure it didn’t fall into the wrong hands. One false move could have disastrous effects on the timeline. And who knew how long the Sparrow Academy would keep their distance. He decided he’d need to keep a better eye on it, moving forward.

This, however, somehow made falling asleep _more_ impossible than figuring out a way to bring Allison’s daughter to their timeline.

Every time he was close to drifting off, every time he felt his thoughts start to filter in unbidden and slip out of his control- he would get the awful, _sinking_ feeling that the briefcase would be gone when he woke up. Or that it was _already_ gone. His eyes would snap open with a start, and he’d throw his blanket to the side, slinking over to the closet. He’d lift up the loose floorboards, only to find it sitting there safe and sound. Then he would trudge back to bed and bury his face in his pillow.

He didn’t _actually_ think it would be gone, he just did it to satisfy that small, tiny part of himself that obsessed over the “what ifs”. It would be easier to fall asleep if he double checked.

Rinse and repeat this process, for about two and a half hours.

After the third time he jolted awake, Five had even jumped to Klaus’ dark apartment and snatched a bottle of whiskey, downing about four shots’ worth in one swig. 

Alcohol usually helped put him to sleep, but this time it just made him frustrated and uncoordinated.

When Five’s eyes snapped open for the umpteenth time that night, he groaned in exasperation. Turning over to face the red alarm clock, he squinted through bleary eyes. 3:36. Good fucking lord. He ground his teeth together and balled his fists, fingernails nearly carving little moon shapes into his palms.

Finally, he swung his legs off the bed and stomped over to the closet, ripping up the floorboards in forceful, jerky motions. You know what? _Fine._ If he needed to feed this sudden, _idiotic_ neurosis to get a wink of damn sleep, he would. 

He grabbed the handle of the briefcase and hauled it up with a huff. Then, he stumbled back to his new bed and dragged his pillow forward with the other hand. In one swift motion, he flung the briefcase onto the head of the bed. Then, he shoved his pillow up against it with a grunt and climbed into bed.

 _There._ The stupid briefcase would be his new _headboard,_ how about that?

Sure, there was a miniscule chance he could bump it the wrong way in his sleep and accidentally transport himself to another time, but at least the damn thing was close by. Heaven knows this went against Commission protocol, but the alcohol mixed with the exhaustion seeping in from this shitty, shitty day far outweighed any sense of worry. At this point he couldn’t care less, and Five’s eyes fluttered closed without resistance. He was barely able to pull a blanket up around him before he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

April 5th, 2019(v3), 7:06am

Five woke with a start.

As soon as the slightest bit of consciousness began to seep into his mind’s eye, the only thought he could comprehend behind shut, heavy lids was the dreadful, overwhelming feeling that he was _running out of time._

Five’s eyes _shot_ open, and he flung himself into a sitting position with a gasp- _he shouldn’t have fallen asleep what was he thinking_ \- before glancing around the room, disoriented. It was no sooner after he remembered where he was than a dull pain started blooming in the front of his skull. He groaned and closed his eyes, already regretting the decision to sit up so fast. He rubbed at his temples as he settled down and took stock of his surroundings. It was April 5th, 2019. No apocalypse in sight. 

He glanced over to the clock on the bedside table to his right. It was about 7am. He hadn’t set an alarm or anything, but Five supposed his internal clock was still used to Commission hours. He flung the blanket draped over his legs to the side clumsily, then twisted in place to make sure their newly-acquired briefcase was still sitting safely at the head of his bed. It _was_ , of course. Not as if he had any doubts about that. 

Five cracked his neck ( _God_ , one of the only upsides to this young body), then swung his legs off the side. He leaned down to pick up the socks he had carelessly discarded last night, slipping them back on. Then, he pushed off the mattress and stepped into his shoes, kneeling down to tie them. After running a hand through his hair, Five grabbed his radio from the nightstand and clipped it to his pants. Then, he grabbed the scruff of his blazer in one hand, and the handle of the briefcase in the other. With a huff, he trudged to the main room of his apartment and hauled the briefcase onto the small kitchen table. Finally, he hung his blazer on the back of the chair closest to the window. 

In reality, his new ‘kitchen’ and lounge were combined into one cluttered room, and he had to carefully step around his circle of notebooks to make his way to the table. It was a lot worse than the mansion he had grown up in, but a lot better than the crappy motels the Commission always paid for. Silver linings.

Five put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, sighing sharply through his nose. 

The first thing he did was start a pot of coffee. 

Once the coffee machine was softly droning, he stalked to the window by the kitchen table and pulled up the blinds in one swift motion. Five took a moment to stare out at the street below, taking in the sight of this new, old city. The sidewalks and buildings were bathed in a soft morning light. After another long, deep breath, Five unlocked the window and tugged it open. It got caught at several points and his sore, teenage arms protested at the effort. The faint breeze that ended up drifting through was cool, but comforting. Five closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of clean air for a few moments. He listened to the birds merrily chirping their morning tune; listened to the sound of the coffee maker whirring. 

It was peacefully quiet. Just him and his morning. 

Time seemed to move so much faster when you were older. Five knew he could end up wasting an hour staring out the window if he let himself, so he turned away with a sigh and shuffled over to his new pantry instead. Tugging open the door, he grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a bag of marshmallows from the middle shelf and set them unceremoniously on the counter. He snatched a knife and two slices of bread and got to work making his signature fluffernutter sandwich. 

As soon as the final marshmallow was placed, the coffee maker stopped, and Five wasted no time moving to pour himself a cup. His hands worked with careful precision- filling it to the brim, but not enough to spill. He took the mug of black coffee in one hand and turned around, leaning against the counter. He brought it to his lips as his eyes shifted to the mess of notebooks littering his floor. The cool breeze drafting through the window drifted over his bare arms, bringing with it a refreshing wave of goosebumps. Meanwhile, the mug in his hands radiated warmth, calm, and order. Five felt his shoulders slump a bit, his tight muscles finally relaxing into something resembling normalcy. Odd. He hadn’t even noticed how tense he’d been.

_Knock, knock._

Five jolted in surprise when he heard a small, quiet knock at the door. Not enough to splash his coffee of course, he was a professional. After a moment of pause, the hushed voice of Vanya rang through, at a half-whisper. “Five? You awake?” She didn’t sound panicked, or urgent, so Five pushed off the counter and casually made his way to the door, coffee in hand.

With his other hand, he turned the handle and opened the door, coming face-to-face with his sister. She looked as though she had just woken up. Her hair was slightly tousled, but nothing too outrageous. Sporting gray sweatpants and an ugly, oversized sweater, she gave Five a small smile when he glanced down at her. “Something wrong?” He spoke quietly, bringing his mug to his lips.

“No, no, it’s just…” She looked to the hall for a moment, picking at her sleeve with one hand. “I saw your light was on, so…” She gestured to his feet sheepishly, referring to the light that shines through the cracks under their doors.

Five simply raised an eyebrow at this, standing in the doorway. Vanya’s apartment was down on the first floor, so she must have had a reason to make her way up here. He sipped his coffee and waited for her to finish.

Vanya didn’t flinch under his relentless gaze, but she did shift to one side. “I mean, I spent a lot of time with Klaus yesterday, and, he’s good company, but-” She gave Five a small, apologetic smile. “I guess I’m used to… quiet mornings.” 

“So you want to hide out here.” He deadpanned. 

Vanya just smiled and shrugged in her oversized sweater.

A faint smirk crossed Five’s face, and after a quick second passed, he stepped back to allow room for her to enter. “Make yourself at home.” He joked, gesturing with his free hand. Vanya nodded almost imperceptibly and stepped inside his apartment, closing the door behind her. Five strolled over to the kitchen table and grabbed the handle of the large, bulky briefcase resting on top. He hauled it off effortlessly, setting it underneath.

While Five cleared the table, Vanya shuffled further inside, taking in the room. She stared blankly at the dozens of notebooks scrawled with writing that littered the floor, but when she glanced over at the kitchen counter she seemed to relax. She saw one of Five’s classic peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches sitting on the bare counter, and a smile crossed her face when she recognized it. 

Five set his mug of coffee down on the wooden table with a _clink,_ when he heard Vanya’s soft voice pipe up. “If you need plates, I have a few extra.” She mused from the counter, sincere and non-judgemental.

Five paused, momentarily caught off guard. He collected himself almost as soon as he faltered, however, and cooly made his way to the counter. “Thanks. I didn’t want to wake anyone.” He lied, swiping his sandwich off the marble. In reality, he had plenty of plates- It simply hadn’t crossed his mind to use them. She didn’t need to know that, though. Vanya turned around and leaned against the counter as Five made his way back to the table. 

“Help yourself.” He stated plainly, gesturing to the pot of coffee. With a swift tug, the chair with his blazer scraped against the floor. “No creamer though.” 

Five sank down in his chair, silent. He bumped the briefcase below the table with the toe of his shoe, reassuring himself it was still there. Then, he took a bite of his sandwich and stared out the window in silence.

Vanya nodded, moving to pour herself a cup. Black coffee was a bit too strong for her, but she didn’t want to make a fuss. She paused for a moment when she noticed a half-full bottle of whiskey sitting next to the coffee machine. Her eyes darted down in thought, then she filled one of the cups sitting on the counter with coffee. Mug in hand, she moved to sit down at the table, opposite of Five. 

After a few long seconds, Five stole a glance at her, and she looked away when he noticed her staring. She seemed exhausted, but strangely focused, and Five couldn’t figure out why. He shifted, and took another bite of his sandwich. The awkward creak of their chairs was all that could be heard above the chirping of morning birds and the faint sounds of traffic outside. 

Minutes continued like that, each sipping at their coffee in silence.

It was… nice. A bit awkward, honestly, but it reminded Five of simpler times, when he and his siblings were expected to be quiet at mealtimes. When all that could be heard was the clinking of forks and knives, and when they would only communicate in exaggerated glances and raised eyebrows. It made the corners of Five’s lips curl up into a small smile.

When he took the last bite of his sandwich, Vanya spoke up. Soft, and quiet- almost a little bashful. “So… how’s it been?” She was leaning her cheek on one hand, staring out the window.

“Fine.” He replied, raising an eyebrow. Five had never been one for small talk, but he considered himself a pretty patient fellow. “...See anything strange yesterday?” He asked instead, hoping to get some useful information out of it.

Vanya paused for a bit and looked down in thought. Then she met his gaze and shrugged. “Everything looks… the same, mostly.” Recognition sparked in her eyes. “Oh, Griddy’s is shut down. Don’t know if that... y’know..” She trailed off uselessly and raised her eyebrows at Five, knowing he’d be able to finish the sentence for her.

“Hm.” Five glanced away and took a sip of coffee. “Probably insignificant.” He set his mug down and looked out the window. “But, you never know.” He felt his shoulders start to tense up again, reminded of the long day he had ahead of him. He still had so much work to do.

There was a long, awkward pause, and the seconds ticked by in silence.

“So-”

“So-”

They both spoke in unison, cutting each other off simultaneously. 

Vanya huffed out a quiet laugh, and Five smiled. “Go ahead.” He encouraged, gesturing a hand towards her.

She shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “No, no, you first.”

Five paused, and tilted his head to the side slightly, taking another sip of coffee. When he was met with silence, he straightened in his seat a bit, and looked his sister in the eye.

“...Have you been using your powers?” He asked, direct, but not coldly.

“Ah... no.” Guilt flashed through her expression, and her posture crumpled just the slightest bit. Five almost felt bad bringing the topic up. _Almost._ It was far too important to feel guilty for. After a brief pause, Vanya perked up a bit. “Though, actually, Diego offered to... train with me, this week.” A slight tinge of shame colored her words. “He said he discovered a new side to his powers, back at the farm. That he needed someone to test it with.”

Five raised his eyebrows at that, taking a sip of coffee. “That’s good. The more control you can get over your powers, the better.” He mused.

Vanya’s eyes shifted down to her cup. “Yeah..” With her words she agreed, but her voice was small, and she slumped a bit in her chair.

Five paused, staring intently at her face. That was odd. She seemed happy to bring it up, but deflated when he encouraged it. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth formed a tight line, deep in thought. Five blinked. “...Nervous?” He finally suggested.

Vanya’s shoulders hunched a bit, but she glanced up from her cup to look Five in the eye. “I mean... who wouldn’t be?” There was a slight waver in her voice. “I just.. don’t want to hurt him somehow, y’know?” Vanya cupped both hands around her cup of coffee. “Or…” Her grip tightened ever so slightly. 

“You’ll never get better control if you don’t use it.” Five stated simply, shrugging. He crossed one leg and leaned back in his chair, trying to look as nonchalant as possible for her. “Just need to work out the kinks, is all.”

Vanya scoffed. “Yeah, well, when those ‘kinks’ can include _ending all life on this planet_ , I think I’m allowed to be a little hesitant.” Vanya fidgeted with her hands, eyes locked on Five. She was staring at him with an expression he couldn’t quite pin down. Was it… Regret? Pity? She seemed to be searching for something in his eyes, but he couldn’t figure out what, which annoyed him to no end. Inside he bristled, but he kept his face carefully neutral.

“Our powers are just tools. They can be used for good or bad.” He explained, slowly.

Vanya sat back and averted her eyes. “I know.” She said, quiet.

“You saved us at the farm.” He offered, matter-of-factly.

“I know.”

Five’s lips curled into a small frown, and he sat up again, abandoning his previous attempts at appearing unconcerned. “They don’t have to be bad, Vanya.”

“I _know_.” She snapped, finally turning to face him again. “Five, I’m not a 10-year-old.” She sighed, crossing her arms. He couldn’t tell if it was a gesture of annoyance, or a way to comfort herself. 

Five took a quick, silent breath. “Hey, you missed out on all of Dad’s ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ lectures.” He tapped his fingers on the table rhythmically, lips curling into a smirk. “Someone has to give you the talk eventually, might as well be me.” He snarked, attempting to lighten the mood.

Luckily, it seemed to take, and Vanya’s eyes softened, her mouth drawing into a tiny smile. Five watched some of the tension in her body drain away. “You taking up the mantle, huh?” She teased, bringing her mug of coffee up to her lips.

“Condescending speeches and all.” He replied, raising his cup in mock cheers. Vanya huffed out a quiet laugh, and repeated the gesture with her own mug. Five downed the rest of his coffee in one long swig, setting it back on the table with a _clink._ As a few seconds passed in silence, Vanya’s smile faded ever so slightly. Her gaze drifted down to her cup, and her eyebrows furrowed. She seemed deep in thought, or memory. 

Five shifted uncomfortably in his seat, resisting the urge to get up and check the time. He did tap the briefcase below with his shoe a few times. “Were you going to ask me something, before...?”

Vanya blinked rapidly, seemingly snapped out of her own thoughts. “Oh, right… uh.” She grimaced a bit, shifting in her seat. “I was actually wondering if you wanted to…” She paused, avoiding Five’s gaze, seemingly considering whether or not her request was worth it. Five straightened at this, mentally running through everything he thought she could ask of him. Maybe she wanted him to supervise her training sessions. Maybe she needed him to have a talk with one of their siblings. 

Hell, maybe she was going to ask if they could travel back to 1963 and pick up her ‘friend’ after all. The answer to which would be a sharp _no_ , of course. Five stayed silent though, patiently waiting.

Finally, Vanya spoke, looking him directly in the eye. “I heard there’s gonna be a crochet workshop this afternoon, at the old fabric store down the street.”

Five blinked, and raised an eyebrow. What was the connection here? Did she think it had something to do with the Sparrow Academy? Was the existence of the store causing some kind of paradox? Vanya simply stared. After a few seconds passed in silence, Five tilted his head. “...And?” 

She looked caught off guard. “I... was wondering if you wanted to come with me.” Vanya clarified. “To the workshop.”

Five blanked. For a few seconds, all he could do was process Vanya’s request. She waited for his response, taking a small sip of coffee.

Finally, Five barked out a sharp laugh, and leaned back in his seat. “ _Wow_ , good one, sis.”

But when he noticed the sincere, almost hurt look on Vanya’s face, he paused. Her mouth was clamped shut in a tight line. Something sharp and dark fluttered through Five’s core. His left eye twitched, almost imperceptibly. 

“...You’re not _serious_.” He continued, the grip on his empty mug tightening. Vanya opened her mouth, but no words came out, and her gaze shifted back to her cup.

And just like that, the gentle chirping of birds outside began to grow loud and abrasive. The refreshing breeze wafting through the window from before was suddenly far too cold for comfort. He could feel that familiar, miserable spark of anger flaring up in his chest, but he tamped it down for his sister. Pity. The morning had been going so well. 

“Look, Vanya, don’t take this the wrong way,” Five pushed his chair back suddenly, and the rough screeching sound of wood-on-wood grated against his ears. “but I have more important things to worry about right now.” He shot her a teethy, guarded smile and rose to his feet, making his way towards the sink with his empty mug.

“But,” Vanya finally gathered the strength to speak, while Five’s back was turned to her. “I mean… We stopped the apocalypse, right?”

Five grit his teeth as he held his mug under the faucet. Another spark. Stronger this time, tinged with indignation. He made an effort to breathe through his nose. “You know it’s more complicated than that.” He said, calm. “Or, you _should_. We went over it not even two days ago.” He couldn’t help but add, snapping under his breath.

He heard no response from Vanya, and mentally berated himself. His siblings were still young, naive. It wasn’t their fault they were so clueless. He twisted the faucet on and rinsed out his mug to give himself a chance to calm down, letting the rushing sound of water drown out everything else. But, God, sometimes they could be so, _unbearably_ clueless. 

As soon as Five shut the faucet off and set his mug on the counter to dry, his sister spoke up again.

“Sorry, that’s not what I meant.” Her voice was timid, yet confident. Hesitant and strong at the same time. Five turned around to face her, leaning against the counter. She was sitting in the same position, hunched over at the small kitchen table, cupping her hands around her mug of coffee. She was looking right at him though, and met his gaze with steely determination. 

“I know you have work to do. But...” She talked deliberately, like every word had been carefully thought over in advance, which instantly set Five on edge. He shoved his hands in his pockets and raised an eyebrow, looking down at his sister from across the room.

“Is taking a break for a few hours really going to end the world?” She asked, face completely neutral.

Five’s hands curled into fists inside his pockets, and he clenched his jaw, hard. Exasperation rose up within him, like a starving wolf. His siblings never seemed to understand, no matter how many times he explained it to them.

“It very well may, _Vanya._ ” He smiled then, all teeth. “You have no idea what can happen in a matter of _seconds,_ let alone hours.” He spat. 

“There has to be some way we can help, at least. Make it easier.” She offered, sincere.

Five faltered then, some of his anger dissipating. “Trust me, If I knew of a way you could help, I would tell you.” He sighed. “Right now it’s just, a shitload of math.” He added, gesturing to the notebooks on the floor. Vanya’s expression twisted then, into something almost resembling... a pout?

Five crossed his arms and leaned his weight on one leg, starting to feel that spark of irritation flare up again. “Right now, the best thing you can do is avoid any unwanted attention.” He scoffed. “Which is already out the window thanks to Klaus.”

He assumed Vanya would back off then, maybe redirect the conversation. Then again, she had always been a bit bull-headed. “I don’t know,” She started, fingers fidgeting against her cup. “I still don’t think... I mean, how long are you expecting to be in here?”

“As long as it _takes_ to figure this out.” He replied through a defensive smile.

She huffed, frustrated. “I don’t know if-”

“No offense, Vanya,” Five cut her off, teeth gritted. “But I’m a fifty-eight year old man, I think I know my own limits a _little_ better than you do.” He growled. 

“Still…”

Five could _not_ deal with this so early in the morning. Not after yesterday. “ _Wow,_ would you look at the time!” He deadpanned, pushing off the counter. “Sounds like we both have busy days ahead of us.” A flash of blue light enveloped his form, and he warped to the apartment door in the blink of an eye. 

“Five…”

“Klaus would probably appreciate crochet.” He said casually, twisting the handle and swinging the door open. “Try bringing Luther along too- that seems like something he’d secretly wish to be invited to.” His voice was flat as he stood against the open door, staring Vanya in the eye and gesturing to the hall with one hand.

She gaped for a while, sitting in silence. Once a few long, awkward seconds ticked by, Vanya quietly rose from her chair and took her half-full cup of coffee to the sink. Five stood perfectly still at the door, face neutral. It was hard to read Vanya’s expression as she poured what was left of her coffee down the drain and set it in the sink. 

She sighed, hesitantly walking to the door. She paused when she moved to pass Five. “Thanks for the coffee.” She mumbled. Even though her face was tinged with frustration and disappointment, her eyes were soft.

Five was finding it hard to keep up his poker face. He cleared his throat quietly instead. “Anytime.” He replied, genuine. “Oh, and... Let me know when you’re going to train.” He added. “I might come with, make sure Diego doesn’t get arrested for the tenth time.”

All he received was a stony nod from Vanya before she stepped out into the hall. Five shut the door softly, careful not to slam it and give off the wrong impression. 

As soon as it clicked shut, Five sighed, feeling some tension drain from his overworked body. All at once, he became far too aware of the nervous energy thrumming through veins. Aware of the grating, monotonous, white noise outside. Aware of the creeping emptiness of this apartment that would never really be his. He sighed again through his nose and trudged over to the single open window. It was time to get back to work.

He tugged the window shut with more force than necessary and locked it.

Then he poured himself another cup of coffee.

-8:27 am-

Five tried to buckle down and focus, he really did. 

It had held for about an hour, but the more he wrote and twisted in place and flipped through pages, the more he had to reckon with the fact that this medium was no longer aligning with his new approach as well as he wanted it to. The notebooks were great for keeping track of separate, individual branches within the timeline, but they proved to be bothersome in the face of a single question. 

Five sighed and ran a hand through his hair for the eighth time in twenty minutes, huffing in frustration when he noticed one of them was running out of pages.

He would _kill_ for a wide open space to write on.

Five blinked, then, sitting up with a start. He looked around, analyzing the surface area of his small apartment. He could always write on the walls. 

Then again, at this point he was simply playing with tentative concepts- these walls wouldn’t be enough to get him a tenth of the way through this problem. No, he needed something bigger, something he could abandon at any time with no repercussions. 

Suddenly, a place popped into his mind. A large, open area to write on, far away from the prying eyes of his siblings.

The alley.

That damn alley.

Five stared at his ink-covered fingers for a few moments in contemplation. He thought he might actually scream if he heard one more knock on his door (maybe he should get a sign…), so the idea was very tempting. And he probably _should_ leave some more food for that stupid dog…

Five spent a quick few moments mulling it over, before pushing to his feet and blinking to the pantry. The speed at which he had made a decision even alarmed him a bit, but he tried not to think about it. He just needed to get _out._ He’d blame it on three hours of sleep. Nevermind that he seemed to exist in a constant state of sleep deprivation most days.

Five shoved a couple handfuls of dog food into his pockets, before snatching a pack of sharpies off the counter. He was glad he thought to pick them up at the store. No way the ink from his flimsy pens would stick to the walls of buildings. 

Five took a deep breath, before taking a moment to contemplate the briefcase currently resting below the kitchen table. He could always stick it back in its hiding place, but…

No. He needed to take it with him.

After he leaned down and pulled the briefcase out from under the table, Five wasted no time blinking outside. The second he was out of the apartment, he felt like it was easier to breathe, and the strange weight that had been pressing down on his chest for the past several minutes seemed to dissipate with the wind. He sighed in relief and made his way down the street a few blocks.

When he was close enough to his destination, Five blinked into the alley in a flash of blue energy. 

_HISS!_

As soon as he arrived, a sharp, _jarring_ hissing noise and a flurry of movement made Five jerk back in alarm. He whipped around to find the source, only to see a large, startled raccoon scrambling up a storm drain. In no time, it disappeared onto the roof of a building, and he slowly dropped his guard again. 

How welcoming.

He took a quick moment to peek around the alley, as well as the alleys and streets connected to it. He saw no sign of the dog from the past few days. Which was _fine_ , by the way. Good. Preferable, even! This way he would have a nice, quiet day with no siblings or animals to bother him. He slunk around for a bit, looking for the perfect spot to write. He found it relatively quickly- the side of a building that was wide and open, yet nestled safely away in the alley, where few people would pass by. 

He set his briefcase by his side, always keeping it in his peripheral vision. Then, he uncapped a sharpie and got to work. Starting dead in the center and spreading out to account for branches in the timeline, Five worked quickly and efficiently, summarizing his previous findings in brief, annotated notes. It wasn’t long before the time started to slip away as he sunk deeper into his work. The logic puzzles flowed through his sharp mind like blood down the drain. There were so many variables, so many ways the timeline had been altered because of their actions. The butterfly effect was a dangerous thing. But he had said before he wanted to live to meet Claire, and he was going to keep his word. 

-9:54am-

_“ARF!”_

Suddenly, a familiar-sounding bark caused Five to jolt in surprise, pausing mid-equation. He had been so engrossed in his writing that he didn’t realize a tiny form had snuck up beside him until it was too late. An utterly _embarrassing_ rookie mistake for a master assassin. Though, to be fair, no one had ever tried to kill him with a puppy before. Five glanced down, bracing himself for whatever he might see.

As expected, standing proudly at his feet was the same caramel-brown puppy he had somehow gotten stuck taking care of for the past several days. The dog wasn’t coated in mud, thank God, though this time there appeared to be a single, dirty sock dangling from his mouth. The puppy was so small that the sock hung down low enough to drag across the ground. Five raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“It’s always somethin’ with you, huh?”

He received a quick _yap_ in return, and the puppy’s tail started wagging wildly.

Five glanced back to his wall of sharpie marks, before sighing and capping the pen in his hand. He supposed now would be as good a time as any for a break.

He blinked to the place he had fed the dog yesterday, smiling when he noticed that same lone penny still resting in the exact same spot. After looking around in alarm, the puppy spotted Five and started trotting over, practically hopping with energy as he realized what was about to happen. His head was held up high, but he still nearly tripped over the giant sock he was dead set on carrying. Five rolled his eyes.

“Wow, what a distinguished individual. _Truly_ the epitome of class.” He deadpanned, emptying his pockets of dog food. “After you, Mr. Penny.” He smiled, sardonic.

The puppy paused for a brief moment, seemingly having a moment of crisis at the prospect of dropping his sock to eat. After a few moments, however, the temptation of food won out, and the dog dropped it to gobble the food down, licking up every last crumb.

Five scoffed, trying to tamp down the small smile that seemed insistent on making its way onto his face. He turned away from the pup then, marching back to his spot on the wall near the briefcase. Five uncapped his sharpie and resumed his work, assuming the animal would leave him alone now that it had been fed.

A foolish thought, really.

Because not even a minute passed before Five heard another sharp “YAP!” at his feet.

He glanced down to see the dog staring up at him, in the exact same position as the first time. His big, disgusting sock was dangling from his mouth, and his tail was waving around wildly.

Five raised an eyebrow, perplexed. “...What?” 

The puppy went utterly still for a moment, tail sticking straight up in the air. Then, the dog _dropped_ his front legs to the ground in one quick motion. His butt was sticking up in the air, wiggling back and forth with the strength of his wagging tail.

“I… don’t get it.” Five replied, clueless.

The puppy started chewing on the gross sock in his mouth in reply, which made Five’s lips curl back in disgust. Where the hell did he even get that?

“Oh for the love of- give me that.” Five bent down and grabbed one end of the sock, hoping to rip it away from the dog.

But as soon as Five grabbed hold of it, the puppy bit down in a death grip, jumping into action. The pup _pulled_ back with all his little might, letting out short, intermittent growls. The two became locked in an intense struggle for a few seconds (‘Intense’ meaning, the puppy pulling like his life depended on it, and Five lazily holding onto the sock, making no effort whatsoever). Finally, Five scoffed and gave the sock a quick, sharp _yank._ It slipped from the puppy’s mouth with ease, and Five stood back up to his full height.

Unfortunately for Five, this sock was apparently the Holy Grail of dog-kind, because the puppy before him instantly burst into a cacophony of barks, running around his feet.

“Hey! Shhh, shh-” Five tensed up, holding the sock high above his head. The jarring, high pitched yaps of this dog were starting to give him a headache, and he quickly decided that holding onto the sock was far more trouble than it was worth. Perhaps if he hurled it down the alley the dog would finally take a hint and leave him _alone_. 

“Fine! You want it?” Five called. Without warning, he wound up and _flung_ the sock as far as his arm could throw. Instantly, the pup _raced_ down the alley in a blur of brown fur. Rolling his eyes, Five turned back to his temporal branches, jotting down a few quantum-eternity fractions in black sharpie.

A minute passed, and Five was beginning to think he might actually be in the clear when yet again-

_“YAP!”_

Five sighed, hard. Not wanting to lose his train of thought, he bent down and _snatched_ the sock right out of the puppy’s mouth in one quick jerk. Then, he tossed it down the alley again and turned back to his equations, like nothing had even happened. He heard the scrambling sound of claws on concrete fade away into the distance.

Someway, somehow, by some... _bizarre_ twist of fate, this odd game of fetch continued for the next _hour._ Five thought it would be disruptive, but he was surprised to find that the motions quickly grew mechanical, and he hardly even had to think about it. In fact, the brief pauses every minute or so encouraged him to double check his thought processes, leading to less errors overall. 

Eventually though, the dog stopped barking for his attention and left him to his own devices. Five glanced down at his feet and saw the puppy laying on the ground next to him, panting heavily. He was chewing on his sock, apparently tuckered out from all the running. Five simply rolled his eyes and kept plotting out tiny solutions to massive problems on the sprawling wall in front of him.

However, it seemed like every time Five untangled one messy probability, three more would pop up in its place. It was a scrambled mess of potential, an _impossibly_ wide canyon to cross.

He would write out step after step after step- only to come to a dead end every time. 

“Shit! _Damnit_.” Five huffed. He leaned against the wall and stared down at his feet in frustration, catching the puppy tilt his head out of the corner of his eye.

“What? I doubt _you_ could do any better.” Five snapped, defensive.

The pup simply stared at him, panting.

Five turned in place and leaned his back against the wall, staring up at the sky and making exaggerated gestures with his hands. “It’s just… the sheer magnitude of these temporal branches, it’s _insane._ ” He let out a quick, miserable laugh and sunk to the ground, turning to his fluffy companion. “This is like asking a plumber to build a fully functioning spaceship.”

Penny chewed on the sock in his mouth a bit.

“Yeah, yeah, I _know._ Isolate one variable and work backwards. Harder than it sounds.” Five sighed and fiddled with his sharpie, capping and uncapping it over and over again.

The pup scratched his ear with his back leg without a care in the word.

Five’s eyes darted back and forth, deep in thought. “Y’know, I could be approaching this the wrong way.” Crumb finally lost interest in his sock now that Five was sitting next to him. The pup clumsily attempted to make his way into his new friend’s lap. 

“The Commission always frames probability maps in terms of finding a target to eliminate.” Five continued, too preoccupied to care. “Maybe asking the question ‘Who’s _death_ could save Claire?’ would be better in the long run.” He mused, letting out a shaky sigh.

Five looked down at the puppy in his lap, who was currently sniffing at his vest. For a good few moments he simply stared into those big, dark eyes.

“No, no, you’re right.” He ran a hand through the dog’s soft fur and sighed. “The Commission always avoided individuals overwritten by a previous instance of time.” He shrugged and shot the dog a fake, tight smile. “So attempting to follow protocol for shortcuts is pointless.” 

Five took another long, deep breath. “...We’re flying pretty blind here.” 

The dog responded by leaning up to lick his nose. “ _Eugh-_ ” Five recoiled, scrunching one eye shut and gently pushing the dog back down. Though he couldn’t help but smile at the creature’s efforts. Five hunched over and started petting him behind the ears.

“Y’know…” He started, quiet, like he was about to share a scandalous secret. 

“...You’re not half bad for a lab partner.”

_“Arf!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five, 3 days ago: what the HELL is this pitiful creature????? a demon?? demonspawn??? i will feed you ONCE but thats IT
> 
> five, now, after being forced to sit through several awkward conversations with his siblings: i've only had mr pennycrumb for 3 days but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then mysel-
> 
> ALSO i love the thought of five's subconscious just..... deciding on a name for the dog without his consent. and then one day he wakes up and is like. oh yeah mr pennycrumb?? that's always been his name wym. i imagine that's how he ended up naming delores too. like there was never a big Moment, one day he was just 'yep! that's her name and always has been'


End file.
